YOU TOOK YOUR FIRST POOP IN THE POTTY THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY. WOW. TOTALLY PROUD. YOU’VE BEEN ASKING TO GO POTTY FOR A WHILE NOW, AND WE’VE PUT YOU ON THE TOILET (YOU DON’T WANT YOUR TODDLER POTTY, YOU WANT THE GROWN UP POTTY, SO WE GOT YOU AN ADAPTER SEAT), BUT YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING… UNTIL NOW. YOU SAID POTTY, I PUT YOU ON, AND YOU HAD A TINY TURD. NO PEE. 1 SOLITARY POOP. AND I LOVED IT. IT WAS AWESOME. THAT’S ALL YOU’VE DONE SO FAR, BUT IT’S AMAZING. I HOPE IT CONTINUES TO BE A FAIRLY NON-PAINFUL PROCESS. WE AREN’T PRESSURING YOU OR ANYTHING, WE’RE JUST TRYING TO LET IT HAPPEN. WE’LL ACTUALLY START FOCUSING ON IT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS, BUT UNTIL THEN, IF YOU WANT ON THAT POTTY, THEN BY GOD WE’LL PUT YOU THERE AND WHETHER ANYTHING COMES OUT OR NOT, IT’S JUST COOL.
I LOVE YOU BABY
♥ MOMMA

WE TOOK YOUR PACI AWAY AGAIN. YOU CALL IT A “FAFA.” I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THAT WORD CAME FROM. ANYWAYS, I SNIPPED THE ENDS OFF ALL THE FAFA’S IN THE HOUSE. YOU’LL GRAB ONE AND SAY, “BROKEN” AND THEN PUT IT DOWN. YOU’RE HAVING A HARD TIME ADJUSTING. THE FIRST NIGHT WASN’T TOO BAD, BUT LAST NIGHT WAS TERRIBLE. I THINK IT’S B/C I’M ALSO NOT LETTING YOU HAVE BOTTLES OF MILK OR JUICE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. IF YOU ASK FOR A BABA, I HAVE ONE WITH WATER IN IT AND YOU HATE THAT. SO LAST NIGHT WAS A SCREAMING HISSY FIT A COUPLE TIMES. ABOUT 4:45 THIS MORNING CONSISTED OF YOU KICKING YOUR DADDY IN THE NUTS, PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE, FLAILING AROUND IN THE BED AND THEN ME CARRYING YOU AROUND THE HOUSE AND ROCKING YOU, JUST TRYING TO GET YOU TO GO BACK TO SLEEP SO WE COULD REST AT LEAST A FEW MORE MINUTES BEFORE WE HAD TO WAKE UP AND GET READY FOR WORK. I TOTALLY DREAD THE DAY WE TAKE THE BABA AWAY ENTIRELY. I’VE BEEN TOLD, BY PEOPLE WITH OLDER KIDS, THAT IT CAN TAKE A COUPLE WEEKS – AND I UNDERSTAND B/C IT’S A HABIT THAT YOU HAVE TO BREAK AND HABITS ARE HARD TO BREAK – BUT A COUPLE WEEKS SEEMS LIKE FOREVER!!! I FEEL LIKE AN ASS ENOUGH AS IT IS. I JUST HOPE IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER.

WE’RE GONNA START POTTY TRAINING AFTER THE HOLIDAYS, SO THAT’LL BE INTERESTING. YOU DON’T WANT TO SIT ON YOUR POTTY, YOU WANT TO SIT ON THE GROWN UP POTTY. SO WE HAVE TO GET ONE OF THOSE ADAPTER SEAT THINGS. I JUST PRAY IT ISN’T TOO HARD ON YOU (OR US). YOU’RE JUST GROWING SO FAST. I KNOW I SAY THAT A LOT, BUT IT’S SO TRUE. AND I KNOW THAT WITH GROWING COMES SO MUCH CHANGE THAT IS HARD TO COMPREHEND. I KNOW YOU’LL GET IT, I JUST HATE THAT IT HAS TO BE SUCH A CHALLENGE. BUT LIFE IS JUST THAT, A CHALLENGE – IF IT WEREN’T IT’D BE CALLED SOMETHING ELSE. CHALLENGE AND OBSTACLES HELP US GROW – AND THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

YOU STILL END UP IN BED WITH US. I JUST CAN’T HELP IT. I SLEEP LIKE ABSOLUTE CRAP WHEN YOU’RE NEXT TO ME, WIGGLING AROUND LIKE YOU DO, BUT I LOVE HAVING YOU NEAR ME. WE HAVE TO STOP THAT SOON TOO. ONE THING AT A TIME THOUGH. BUT IT’S COMING SOON.
YOU’VE BEEN REALLY INTO YOUR DADDY LATELY. I CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL A LITTLE TWINGE OF JEALOUSY, IT’S ONLY NORMAL. I’M SURE HE GETS JEALOUS WHEN YOU’RE INTO ME TOO. AND I KNOW THAT DADA’S MORE FUN THAN MAMA, AND DADA DOESN’T PUT YOU IN TIME OUT LIKE MAMA DOES, SO THAT MAKES HIM COOLER – BUT IT’LL BE OK.

SPEAKING OF TIME OUTS – YEA THAT’S NOT WORKING. SO YOU STARTED HITTING A FEW MONTHS BACK. I TRIED TIME OUTS, THEY DID NOTHING, I TRIED SWATTING YOUR HAND, IT DID NOTHING BUT MAKE YOU CRY AND HIT ME BACK, I EVEN HIT YOUR BUTT – AND YOU CALLED ME MEAN AND IT MADE ME CRY – SO WE WENT BACK TO TIME OUTS. IT’S BEEN MAYBE 3 DAYS SINCE WE STARTED THE TIME OUTS AGAIN. YOU’LL HIT ME AND SAY, “TIME OUT?” IT’S RETARDED. YOU WANT TO BE PUT IN TIME OUT. WHAT THE HECK, LO? IT CAN’T BE ONE OF THOSE “BAD ATTENTION IS BETTER THAN NO ATTENTION” B/C I GIVE YOU ATTENTION ALL THE TIME.

YOU’VE GOT SO MANY MORE NEW WORDS NOW. SO CUTE. ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS YOU SAY IS “HERE MAMA” WHEN YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING. IT’S JUST THE SWEETEST SOUNDING PHRASE, “HERE MAMA”. I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH. YOU STILL ONLY SAY, “I YOU” INSTEAD OF “I LOVE YOU” WHICH IS ALSO CUTE. HELL, EVERYTHING YOU DO IS CUTE.

CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE. THIS WEEKEND YOU’RE GONNA GO STAY WITH YOUR NANA AND PAPA, SO DADDY AND I CAN GO BUY THE TREE AND DECORATE IT, AND BUY YOU SOME PRESENTS. AS IS USUAL, WE CAN’T GET YOU EVERYTHING WE WANT TO. BILLS AND GROCERIES JUST SUCK SO MUCH OF OUR INCOME. BUT WE’RE GONNA DO OUR BEST. I KNOW THIS YEAR YOU’LL CARE ABOUT IT MUCH MORE THAN YOU DID LAST YEAR. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. I THINK YOU WILL. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE SO MANY TOYS, BUT MOST ARE FOR INFANTS, NOT TODDLERS – SO ALSO THIS WEEKEND WHILE YOU’RE GONE, WE’RE GONNA CLEAN OUT YOUR ROOM OF ALL THE TOYS YOU DON’T USE ANYMORE (AND PROBABLY DON’T EVEN REMEMBER YOU HAVE) TO TRY AND MAKE ROOM FOR THE MASSIVE STUFF YOU’RE GONNA GET THIS YEAR. YOU’RE NANA’S GETTING YOU A KITCHEN AND A TOY ORGANIZER THINGIE THAT’S GONNA TAKE UP A LOT OF ROOM. WE’LL HAVE TO PUT UP YOUR DORA HOUSE, BUT I DON’T THINK YOU’LL CARE B/C YOU DON’T USE IT.

OK, WELL, I GOTTA GO. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE, BABY.
♥ MAMA

YOU HAVE STARTED SAYING, I LOVE YOU – ONLY YOU SAY, “I YOU” WHICH IS EVEN CUTER. YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOOTS AND SHOES, AND ONE OF MY FAVORITE WORDS TO HEAR YOU SAY IS, “BOOT” B/C IT’S ALSO SUPER CUTE.
YOU’VE HAD THE FLU. SO HAVE I. IT SUCKS. I’D BE SICK A MILLION TIMES IF IT WOULD SPARE YOU FROM BEING SICK. YOU’RE TOO PRECIOUS TO BE SICK. HEARING YOUR LITTLE COUGH IS TERRIBLE B/C YOU SHOULDN’T EVER HAVE TO COUGH. YOU SHOULDN’T EVER HAVE A SNOTTY NOSE B/C YOUR NOSE IS TOO CUTE FOR SNOT.
YOUR 2ND HALLOWEEN WAS UNEVENTFUL AND I’M SORRY. YOU WOULDN’T WEAR YOUR HALLOWEEN COSTUME. YOU LITERALLY THREW YOURSELF ONTO THE GROUND AND SCREAMED AS THO I WERE STABBING YOU, WRITHING ON THE GROUND TRYING TO GET IT OFF. IT WAS JUST A DRESS. A WITCH DRESS, BUT NOOOOO, YOU WERE HAVING NONE OF THAT. SO I TOOK IT OFF AND THAT WAS THAT. WE DIDN’T GO TRICK OR TREATING. NO ONE IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD DOES HALLOWEEN, NO ONE CAME BY OUR HOUSE OR ANYTHING. YOUR NANA HAS STREP THROAT RIGHT NOW, SO WE DIDN’T GO THERE. THAT WAS THE ORIGINAL PLAN, TO DRESS YOU UP (HAD YOU COOPERATED, LOL) AND TRICK OR TREAT OUT THERE IN ARKANSAS. BUT THAT’S OK. YOU HAD A FUN NIGHT AT HOME WITH MAMA AND DADA, SO NO BIGGIE.
YOU STILL CALL YOUR DADDY, “MAMA”. YOU CALL YOUR NANA, “MAMA”, YOU CALL ME “MAMA”, BUT I’M JEALOUS. I WANT THAT WORD. IT’S MINE. NO ONE ELSE’S. DADA IS DADA, NANA IS NANA, AND I’M MAMA. I SO BADLY WANT YOU TO REALIZE THAT I’M THE ONLY MAMA, JUST ME, ME, ME, ME, ME. I WENT THRU TOO MUCH SWELLING AND BACK PAIN AND SURGERY RECOVERY AND ALL THAT TO NOT GET TO BE THE ONLY MAMA. YES, I REALIZE THIS IS SILLY AND THAT YOU’LL GET IT AND WILL EVENTUALLY ONLY CALL ME MAMA AND NO ONE ELSE, BUT UNTIL THEN, I HAVE AN INNER HISSY FIT EVERY TIME YOU CALL YOUR DADDY “MAMA” OR YOUR NANA “MAMA”. I KEEP TELLING YOU, “I’M MAMA” BUT IT’S JUST NOT STICKING YET. I KEEP TELLING PEOPLE, “DON’T ANSWER HER IF SHE’S NOT CALLING YOU BY YOUR NAME,” BUT THEY DON’T LISTEN, SO I THINK THAT’S MAYBE MAKING IT A BIT HARDER FOR YOU TOO – B/C THEY ALL ANSWER YOU WHEN YOU SAY, “MAMA”.
WE BROUGHT THE DINING ROOM TABLE DOWNSTAIRS, SO YOU GET TO EAT AT THE TABLE WITH US NOW. YOU LIKE IT A LOT MORE THAN IN YOUR HIGH CHAIR WITH YOUR TRAY. YOU’RE STILL IN YOUR HIGH CHAIR, BUT WE DON’T PUT THE TRAY ON IT, AND JUST SCOOT YOU UP TO THE TABLE. LAST NIGHT I GAVE YOU A CUPCAKE AND YOU JUST LICKED OFF THE ICING. SUUUUPER CUTE!
YOUR DADDY FOUND YOU A POWER WHEELS 4 WHEELER A COUPLE MONTHS AGO AND WE FINALLY FOUND A BATTERY FOR IT AND HE CLEANED IT UP AND YOU LOOOOOVE RIDING IT AROUND THE BACK PATIO. YOU GO IN CIRCLES AND THINK IT’S ABSOLUTELY HIGHLARIOUS WHEN YOU SCARE THE DOGS.
YOU’RE JUST GROWING UP SO FAST. I’VE ALWAYS HEARD THAT TIME FLIES AND STUFF WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS AND AS YOU GET OLDER – AND I NEVER LISTENED B/C WHEN YOU’RE 15, TIME SEEMS TO CRAWL. EVERY DAY GOES BY SOOOO SLOWLY. IT SEEMS LIKE AN HOUR TAKES FOREVER B/C YOU’RE SO FULL OF ENERGY AND THINGS YOU WANT TO DO – BUT THEY’RE RIGHT. WHEN YOU GET OLDER TIME SPEEDS UP, AND THEN WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS, IT FLIES. THE FACT THAT ONLY 9 MONTHS AGO YOU STARTED LEARNING TO WALK, AND 12 MONTHS AGO YOU WERE JUST REALLY GETTING THE HANG OF CRAWLING, AND 16 MONTHS AGO YOU HAD YOUR FIRST BITE OF (BABY) SOLID FOOD, AND ABOUT 19 ½ MONTHS AGO YOU WERE BORN – THAT’S NO TIME, AND YOU’RE ALREADY WALKING, TALKING (MOSTLY), LAUGHING, RUNNING, JUMPING, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS, YOUR OWN FEELINGS, YOU’RE YOUR OWN REAL LITTLE PERSON. IT’S AMAZING AND WONDERFUL – AND AT THE SAME TIME SAD B/C I FEEL LIKE I’VE MISSED IT. I WAS THERE, I SAW IT, I EXPERIENCED IT, BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE IT WENT TOO FAST AND B/C OF THAT I MISSED IT, EVEN THO I KNOW I DIDN’T.
CRAZY.
OK, WELL, MOMMA LOVES YOU BABY ♥

I MISS YOU BEING SMALL. I MISS IT SO MUCH. YOUR TINY LITTLE HEAD, YOUR TINY LITTLE YAWNS, YOUR TINY LITTLE EYES OPENING UP FROM YOUR NAPS. THOSE TINY LITTLE CRIES. THOSE TINY LITTLE POOS (COMPARED TO THE WHOPPERS YOU THROW OUT NOW, LOL). DON’T GET ME WRONG. I ADORE YOU AND LOVE YOU AND IT GETS BETTER EVERY SINGLE DAY B/C YOU’RE HERE AND YOU’RE PERFECT… BUT YOU AREN’T TINY ANYMORE. I CAN’T HOLD YOU WHENEVER I WANT TO. YOU SQUIRM B/C YOU WANT DOWN, YOU WANT TO WALK, YOU WANT TO RUN, YOU WANT TO PLAY. YOU AREN’T AS HELPLESS AS YOU WERE WHEN YOU WERE BORN. YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER, AND I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE WITH EVERY PASSING SECOND, AND I LOVE TO SEE YOU GROW, AND I LOVE TO SEE YOU LEARN, AND I LOVE HOW THINGS AMAZE YOU. BUT I’LL ALWAYS MISS THAT SMALL, LITTLE BABY THAT YOU WERE WHEN YOU WERE BORN.

ALSO, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING, “SHUT UP”? IT’S GETTING REALLY OLD. YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE TRIED IGNORING IT, TELLING YOU NOT TO SAY IT, POPPING YOUR HAND AND TELLING YOU NOT TO SAY IT, PUTTING YOU IN TIME OUT AND TELLING YOU NOT TO SAY IT, I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ELSE TO DO. SO, DO ME A FAVOR – STOP SAYING, “SHUT UP” :)

I LOVE YOU ANGEL BABY.
♥ MOMMA

THIS MORNING YOU GAVE ME A LITTLE PRESENT.
I WAS FIXING MY HAIR FOR WORK, YOU CAME INTO THE BATHROOM TO BE NEAR ME (WHICH I LOVE), AND PROCEEDED TO SQUAT AND TAKE A DUMP (YOUR LITTLE GRUNTS ARE PRECIOUS). I FINISHED FIXING MY HAIR AND GOT DRESSED. YOUR DADDY WALKED BY THE BATHROOM, STOPPED AND SAID, “WHAT THE HECK?!” – HE HAD TAKEN YOUR DIAPER OFF TO HAVE NEKKID BUTT TIME, AND I DIDN’T KNOW IT – SO WHILE YOU WERE CRAPPING, YOU WERE ACTUALLY CRAPPING ON THE FLOOR. THERE WAS A CUTE LITTLE LOLA TURD RIGHT THERE NEXT TO WHERE I’D BEEN STANDING WHILE DOING MY HAIR. AND OF COURSE, YOU’D IMMEDIATELY GONE TO PLAY ON YOUR ROCKING HORSE – SO THERE’S DOODOO ALL OVER IT TOO. IT’S EASY TO CLEAN, NO BIG DEAL AT ALL – BUT IT’S ONE OF THOSE CUTE LITTLE STORIES I’LL HAVE IN MY BACK POCKET IF I WANT TO EMBARRASS YOU WHEN YOU’RE A TEENAGER, HAHA!
YOU’RE GETTING SO BIG. I LOVE IT AND I HATE IT. I LOVE IT B/C YOU’VE GOT THIS GREAT PERSONALITY AND YOU’RE TALKING MORE AND WALKING AND YOU LOVE ME AND YOUR DADDY AND IT’S SO WONDERFUL. I HATE IT B/C YOU’RE GROWING UP. IT MEANS THAT EVENTUALLY, YOU WON’T BE A BABY ANYMORE. YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY, BUT YOU WON’T BE A BABY.

THINGS YOU LOVE:
YOU LOVE LADY GAGA. YOU DANCE TO HER MUSIC AND TRY TO SING ALONG.
YOU LOVE TO COLOR. WE GOT YOU BATHTUB CRAYONS, WHICH WIPE OFF WITH WATER, SO YOU CAN DRAW ALL OVER THE TUB AND TILE.
YOU LOVE TO THROW BALLS, SO WE GOT YOU SOME SOFT, FOAM BALLS THAT YOU THROW AND GIGGLE AT WHEN THEY BOUNCE.
YOU LOVE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. YOU HAVE A LARGE STUFFED SPONGEBOB THAT I HAVE TO HOLD WHILE I HOLD YOU FOR NITE NITE.
YOU LOVE THE DOGS, BUT MORESO MAYA. YOU KISS HER AND PAT HER ON THE HEAD.
YOU LOVE YOUR NANA. YOU RUN TO HER EVERY MORNING WHEN I DROP YOU OFF WITH HER BEFORE WORK.
YOU LOVE YOUR DADDY. YOU SQUEAL WHEN HE COMES HOME AND RUN FOR HUGS.
YOU LOVE ME. YOU COME LOOKING FOR ME EVERY MORNING IF I’M NOT IN BED WHEN YOU WAKE UP, BANGING ON THE BATHROOM DOOR, YELLING, “MAMA MAMA MAMA” UNTIL I LET YOU IN SO YOU CAN HUG ME EVEN THO I’M IN THE SHOWER AND GETTING YOU WET.

THINGS I LOVE:
YOU. MORE THAN ANYTHING.

I STILL THANK GOD FOR YOU EVERY DAY. YOU ARE STILL THE MOST AMAZING PERSON, THE MOST AMAZING CREATURE, THE MOST AMAZING HUMAN THAT EVER WAS AND EVER WILL BE.

YOU’RE SICK AGAIN. I HATE IT. I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. IT’S THAT STUPID HAND, FOOT, AND MOUTH AGAIN. YOU’VE GOT THE RASH AND THIS TIME YOU HAVE BLISTERS ALL IN YOUR MOUTH AND ON YOUR LIPS. IT’S HORRIBLE. I WISH I COULD TAKE IT AWAY. I’D RATHER BE SICK THAN YOU. I CAN DEAL WITH BEING SICK. YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO. I LOVE YOU BABY.
WE TOOK YOU TO THE CHILDREN’S MUSEUM LAST WEEKEND AND YOU HAD A BIG TIME. YOU DANCED AND PLAYED AND DANCED AND PLAYED. YOU LOVED THE CARS (JUST LIKE YOUR DADDY), AND YOU LOVED THE MUCH (JUST LIKE BOTH YOUR DADDY AND MYSELF). I TOOK A VIDEO OF IT AND MADE SURE TO POST IT SO THE WORLD COULD SEE HOW GREAT YOU ARE.
YOU’VE REALLY STARTED TO ENJOY DANCING A LOT. I’M WONDERING IF WE SHOULD LOOK INTO LESSONS FOR YOU. I KNOW I WISH I’D HAD THEM, AND SINCE YOU DANCE EVERY TIME YOU HEAR A BEAT, I THINK YOU’D LIKE IT. YOU’VE ALSO STARTED TRYING TO SING, WHICH IS AWESOME. YOU BELT OUT THESE LITTLE “OH OH’S” AND “AAAHHH’S.” IT’S FABULOUS.
YOU’VE STARTED SAYING, “MOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMY” WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING. YOU SAY “MOMMY” OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND POINT IN THE DIRECTION OF WHAT YOU WANT AND I HAVE TO CARRY YOU AROUND UNTIL WE FIND WHAT IT IS YOU’RE POINTING AT. IT’S PRECIOUS.
I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANGEL. I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND I’LL DO ANYTHING I CAN TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

♥ MOMMA

THE EVOLUTION OF NICKNAMES FOR LO: THE PAST 15 ½ MONTHS.

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN LO, AND THAT WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE.
YOU BEGAN AS PIGLET B/C YOU MADE OINKING NOISES WHILE TRYING TO FIND MY BREAST.
PIGLET TURNED INTO PIGGLES B/C YOU WERE A PIGLET THAT WIGGLED.
PIGGLES BECAME PANTS, NO IDEA WHY.
PANTS BECAME LOLAPANTS, POOPANTS, AND SOMEHOW TURNED INTO BRAINS AND BITTYBRAINS.
THEN WE WENT BACK TO PANTS, AND POOPANTS, WHICH JUST BECAME POO B/C YOU HAVE WORKING BOWELS.
POO BECAME FART, THEN BACK TO POO, THEN BOOGER B/C YOU HAD COLDS A LOT.
BOOGER WENT BACK TO POO, THEN BECAME POOTLE (SPELLED WITH A T B/C IT STANDS FOR FART AND NOT THE BREED OF DOG).
POOTLE BECAME DOODLE, AND DOODLE BECAME NOODLE.
AT ANY POINT IN TIME WE MAY CALL YOU ANY OF THESE NAMES – BUT FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER, ALL OF THESE MEAN LOLA.
AND THEY ALL MEAN: I LOVE YOU!
♥ MOMMA

WELL BABY, WE’VE TAKEN THE PACI AWAY AGAIN.
WHEN YOU WERE SICK, WE GAVE IT BACK B/C ALL WE WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO BE COMFORTED AND IF IT MEANT YOU GOT YOUR PACI WHENEVER YOU WANTED IT, THEN BY GOD, YOU GOT THAT PACI. BUT YOU AREN’T SICK ANYMORE, SO YOU CAN ONLY HAVE IT NOW WHEN YOU’RE TAKING A NAP, GOING NITE NITE, OR IN YOUR CRIB.
SINCE YOU’VE BEEN BETTER FOR A BIT NOW, I WAS GOING TO LET YOU GO BACK TO LINDA’S, BUT SINCE YOUR NANA LOVES HAVING YOU AROUND, IT WAS ONLY GOING TO BE PART TIME – BUT I DON’T THINK LINDA WANTS TO WATCH YOU ANYMORE. SORRY ABOUT THAT. LOOKS LIKE SHE TOOK MY TAKING YOU OUT OF DAYCARE PERSONALLY, EVEN THO I TOLD HER IT WAS B/C THE DOCTOR RECOMMENDED IT. OH WELL, YOUR NANA DOESN’T MIND AT ALL AND IT JUST ENSURES YOU’LL BE CLOSE TO HER. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, I WANT YOU TO LOVE HER AS MUCH AS I DO B/C SHE’S AN AWESOME PERSON AND A GREAT MOM AND GRANDMOM.
YOU’VE GOTTEN BACK INTO THE HABIT OF ENDING UP IN BED WITH US. THAT HAS TO STOP. I’M SO TIRED ALL THE TIME. I DON’T WANT TO MAKE YOU SLEEP IN YOUR OWN BED, BUT I KNOW I NEED TO – SO WE’LL START WORKING ON THAT NEXT. I WANT TO TACKLE ONE THING AT A TIME. PACI FIRST, THEN BEDTIME, AND THEN I GUESS BOTTLE (BUT YOU’LL STILL GET THAT NITE NITE BOTTLE B/C I KNOW IT’S SOOTHING TO YOU). THE ONLY THING ABOUT TAKING THAT BOTTLE AWAY IS THAT IF I WANT YOU TO DRINK MILK WITH BREAKFAST YOU WON’T DRINK IT FROM ANYTHING OTHER THAN A BOTTLE, SO THAT POSES A CONUNDRUM FOR ME – BUT WE’LL GET IT FIGURED OUT.
YOUR DADDY AND I BOUGHT YOU A NEW ROCKING HORSE AND A RIDE ON THING THAT YOU LOVE. YOUR NANA CREATED A GAME CALLED “TOOT TOOT” WHICH INVOLVES YOU BEING PULLED AROUND ON YOUR RIDE ON THRU THE HOUSE. OUR HOUSE IS TINY, SO WE CAN’T PULL YOU THAT FAR – BUT WE DO WHAT WE CAN AND YOU LOVE IT. YOUR DADDY CLEANED OUT THE CARPORT, SO WE’RE GOING TO GET YOU A SWING TO PLAY ON OUTSIDE – AND WE GOT YOU A LITTLE BLOW UP SWIMMING POOL THAT YOU LOVE PLAYING IN.
TIME OUT IS WORKING FAIRLY WELL. YOU DON’T HIT AS MUCH, BUT YOU STILL HIT. WHAT’S FUNNY IS THAT I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING. FOR EXAMPLE, SUNDAY YOU WERE MESSING WITH THE DVD PLAYER AND THE STEREO. I PICKED YOU UP AND MOVED YOU AWAY FROM THEM AND TOLD YOU, “NO, WE DON’T MESS WITH THOSE.” AND YOU CRAWLED BACK AND STARTED AGAIN. SO I MOVED YOU AND TOLD YOU, “NO MA’AM. DON’T DO THAT. I TOLD YOU NO. DO IT AGAIN AND I’LL PUT YOU IN TIME OUT.” SO YOU CRAWLED BACK UP TO IT, LOOKED AT ME, I SAID, “I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH IT.” SO YOU SMILED, SLAPPED THE DVD PLAYER, AND WERE PUT IN TIME OUT. YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING. YOU’RE A SNEAKY LITTLE POO. AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT.
YOU’VE STARTED TO CALL ME MOMMA! AND YOU KNOW THAT I’M MOMMA B/C DADDY CAN SAY, “GO FIND MOMMA!” AND YOU COME RUNNING UP TO ME! IT’S WONDERFUL. YOU STILL DON’T SAY IT MUCH, BUT I KNOW YOU KNOW IT AND I KNOW YOU KNOW THAT’S ME. THAT MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW (UNTIL YOU HAVE KIDS AND THEN YOU’LL TOTALLY KNOW).
WELL, I THINK THAT’S ALL FOR NOW.
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD ANGEL.
♥ MOMMA

TONIGHT IS THE FIRST NIGHT YOU'VE SPENT AWAY FROM HOME. IT'S SCARY, BUT OK. YOU'RE STAYING WITH YOUR NANA, SO I KNOW YOU'RE SAFE. YOUR GRANDPA ALAN IS OUT OF TOWN, SO IT'S A TOTAL GIRLS NIGHT SLUMBER PARTY FOR YOU. I KNOW YOU'LL LIKE IT, BUT IT'S STILL SCARY. TONIGHT YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO. I'M SO USED TO PUTTING MY HAND ON YOUR CHEST AS I GO TO BED TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE STILL BREATHING (MORBID, I KNOW). EVERY TIME I WAKE UP IN THE NIGHT, I CHECK ON YOU. NOT HEARING YOU CRY TONIGHT WILL BE REALLY WEIRD. NOT ENDING UP WITH YOU IN BED WITH ME WILL BE SAD. YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL.
YOU'RE STILL HITTING – BUT I'M DOING THE TIME OUT THING. IT'S DIFFICULT TO DO TIME OUT WHEN I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO GO TO SLEEP AND YOU HIT, SO I HAVEN'T DONE TIME OUT THEN – AND WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR CHANGING TABLE AND FUSSING AND SCREAMING B/C YOU HATE YOUR DIAPER BEING CHANGED AND YOU HIT – I HAVEN'T DONE TIME OUT THEN EITHER B/C YOU'RE NAKED. BUT WHEN IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE 2 SITUATIONS, I'VE BEEN PUTTING YOU IN TIME OUT FOR 1 MINUTE. AND IF YOU GET UP, I PUT YOU BACK IN TIME OUT AND START THE TIMER OVER. YOU HATE IT. YOUR DADDY REALLY HATES IT B/C IT MAKES YOU CRY – BUT I HAVE TO GIVE YOU LIMITS. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT WHEN I SAY NO, THAT I MEAN IT. I'M NOT HURTING YOU, JUST MAKING YOU SIT STILL. BUT LIKE I SAID, YOU HATE IT. LIZ CAME UP WITH THE IDEA OF GETTING A PLAY YARD AND USING IT SO YOU WON'T GET UP AND WALK OFF AND IT'D KEEP YOU IN THE "NAUGHTY SPOT". I LIKE THAT IDEA. GOTTA FIND A PLAY YARD ON CRAIGSLIST.

WELL. I GUESS THAT'S ALL RIGHT NOW.
>I LOVE YOU SWEET ANGEL.
♥ MOMMA

I KNOW IT'S SILLY TO FEEL THE WAY I DID. AND I'M BETTER NOW. I GUESS WE JUST HAD A COUPLE ROUGH DAYS THERE - BUT YOU TOTALLY LOVE ME AND YOU LIKE ME. I KNOW THAT :) IT'S OK.
YOU KEEP HITTING. THAT HAS GOT TO STOP, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET IT THRU TO YOU THAT IT'S NOT COOL. I GRAB YOUR HAND AND FIRMLY TELL YOU, "NO HIT, GENTLE" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I POP YOUR HAND AND SAY, "NO HIT" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I GET REALLY MAD AND ALMOST YELL, "NO HIT!" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I'M NOT PLAYING, DON'T HIT ME, DON'T HIT YOUR DAD, DON'T HIT YOUR NANA, DON'T HIT THE DOGS, DON'T HIT. NOW HOW DO I GET THAT THRU YOUR BABY SKULL? I HAVE NO IDEA. ALL I KNOW IS, I'M TIRED OF BEING SLAPPED AND I'M TIRED OF BEING TERRIFIED OF MY DAUGHTER HAVING HER HANDS NEAR MY FACE. I GUESS I'LL LEARN WHAT TO DO, BUT UNTIL THEN IT SUCKS...
I STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH, I PROMISE :)
♥ MOMMA

I KNOW YOU LOVE ME, BUT I WORRY THAT YOU DON’T LIKE ME. BECAUSE YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE TO WORK FULL TIME, YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR TIME WITH YOUR NANA, AND OF THAT I MUST ADMIT I’M VERY JEALOUS. WHEN I GET HOME TO YOU IN THE AFTERNOON, YOU’RE HAPPY TO SEE ME, BUT DON’T COME RUNNING UP TO ME AND DON’T WANT ME TO HOLD YOU. I CAN’T SPEND TIME WITH YOU AFTER WORK B/C I HAVE TO DO THE DISHES, MAKE DINNER, DO THE LAUNDRY. BY THAT TIME, I HAVE TO FEED YOU, BATHE YOU, GET YOU IN YOUR PJ’S AND THEN MAYBE SPEND 15 MINUTES WITH YOU BEFORE NIGHT NIGHT. YEA, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME – BUT WHEN DADA COMES HOME, YOU RUN UP TO HIM. YOU WANT HIM TO HOLD YOU AND PLAY WITH YOU. YOU RUN FROM ME. YOU SAY DADA, YOU SAY NANA, YOU VERY RARELY SAY MAMA. I KNOW YOU LOVE ME AND IN TIME YOU’LL WANT ME MORE AND NEED ME MORE… BUT RIGHT NOW I FEEL VERY UNWANTED. AND I MAKES ME SO VERY SAD.

WELL, YOU STOPPED THROWING UP. I’VE BEEN GIVING YOU PREVACID ONCE A DAY AND I THINK IT’S HELPING. SO I FEEL BETTER THAT YOU FEEL BETTER.
YOU CAN CLIMB UP ONTO THE COUCH NOW. YOU’RE JUST GETTING SO BIG, BABY.
YOU’VE SLEPT IN YOUR BED FOR THE PAST 3 NIGHTS. I MISS HAVING YOU IN BED NEXT TO ME SO WE CAN SNUGGLE, BUT I KNOW WE ALL (YOU, ME, AND YOUR DADDY) SLEEP BETTER IF YOU’RE IN YOUR BED AND WE’RE IN OURS. YOU STILL WAKE UP DURING THE NIGHT, BUT ALL I HAVE TO DO IS PAT YOU ON YOUR LITTLE BOOTY AND RUN MY FINGERS THRU YOUR HAIR AND GIVE YOU YOUR PACI AND YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP.
WE’VE TAKEN THE PACI BACK AWAY DURING THE DAY. THE ONLY TIME YOU GET IT NOW IS IF YOU’RE IN YOUR CRIB – AND IT’S WORKING JUST FINE. I HAVEN’T WORKED UP THE PLAN ON HOW TO BREAK YOU OF THE BOTTLE YET THOUGH.
YOUR DADDY AND I ARE TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO MOVE TO ARKANSAS SO WE CAN BE CLOSER TO YOUR NANA SO SHE CAN WATCH YOU WHILE WE’RE AT WORK. I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S GONNA HAPPEN, BUT I KNOW WE’RE GONNA TRY. I KNOW THE AREA’S BETTER, THE SCHOOLS ARE BETTER, AND I THINK IT’D BE A BETTER A ENVIRONMENT FOR YOU.
WELL, I GUESS THAT’S ALL FOR NOW.
I LOVE YOU BABY
♥ MOMMA

YOU KEEP THROWING UP. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON. THIS IS 4 DAYS IN A ROW NOW. IT’S STARTING TO WORRY ME A LOT. I TRY TO ACT LIKE IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME AND IT’S OK AND YOU’LL BE FINE, BUT REALLY I’M SCARED ABOUT IT.

THE FIRST 3 NIGHTS YOU THREW UP MULTIPLE TIMES AND IT WAS REALLY WATERY/MILKY WITH LITTLE CHUNKS – LIKE WATERED DOWN COTTAGE CHEESE, AND YOU STARTED THE THROWING UP WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP. LIKE YOU’D BE ALSEEP, YOU’D THROW UP, YOU’D STAY ASLEEP OR THE COLD OF THE AIR AGAINST YOUR WET SKIN WOULD WAKE YOU UP BUT NOT THE ACT OF VOMITING ITSELF – LAST NIGHT WAS DIFFERENT. YOU HADN’T BEEN TO SLEEP YET. WE WERE PLAYING IN THE FLOOR AND YOU GOT A LITTLE REFLUX IN YOUR MOUTH AND THEN STARTED VOMITING. AND IT WAS CHUNKY AND THICK LIKE MASHED POTATOES AND NOODLES AND YOU THREW UP LOTS (OR WHAT SEEMED LIKE LOTS), AND YOU CRIED B/C IT SCARED YOU AND YOU COULDN’T STOP IT. IT WASN’T WATERY.
YOU DIDN’T HAVE A VERY WET DIAPER THIS MORNING.
YOU SHOULD HAVE.
YOU HAD REALLY REALLY WATERY DIARRHEA LAST NIGHT. IT WAS MORE LIKE BROWN WATER THAN POO.
I’M TIRED OF YOU BEING SICK.
ARE YOU GETTING INTO SOMETHING AT DAYCARE YOU SHOULDN’T BE?
ARE YOU GETTING INTO SOMETHING AT HOME (I DON’T SEE HOW B/C WE FOLLOW YOU ALL THE TIME, BUT STRANGER THINGS DO HAPPEN)?
DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER DAMN VIRUS?
DOES IT HURT? YOU DON’T HAVE A FEVER. DAMNIT, LEARN TO TALK AND TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG B/C THIS IS HORRIBLE! YOU WAKE UP CRYING AND THRASHING ABOUT AT NIGHT. I’VE WRITTEN IT OFF AS GAS, BUT IS THAT PART OF WHAT’S WRONG?

OK, I JUST TALKED TO YOUR PEDIATRICIAN’S NURSE – SHE MADE ME FEEL BETTER. SHE SAID THAT SINCE YOU’VE GOT THAT COLD THAT DRAINAGE MIXED WITH ACID REFLUX HURTS, A LOT, AND MAKES YOU NOT WANT TO EAT (WHICH YOU HAVEN’T WANTED TO) AND IT’LL GIVE YOU DIARRHEA – BUT YOU HAVEN’T WANTED TO DRINK MUCH AND YOU NEED TO WITH DIARRHEA, SO I’M GONNA GET SOME GATORADE FOR YOU AND SEE IF YOU’LL DRINK IT – AND TO GIVE YOU MYLANTA TWICE A DAY FOR 2-3 DAYS IN ADDITION TO PREVACID AND IF YOU AREN’T BETTER OR SHOWING IMPROVEMENT BY THURSDAY AFTERNOON TO CALL HER – AND IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD ENOUGH WET DIAPERS BY TOMORROW NIGHT TO CALL HER THURSDAY MORNING. YOU HAVE TO DRINK THINGS, BABY. YOU NEED TO PEEPEE.

I JUST WANT YOU HEALTHY. YOU’RE SUCH A HAPPY LITTLE GIRL – BE HEALTHY TOO. GET BETTER. PLEASE.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING
♥ MOMMA

I LOVE WATCHING YOU SLEEP. YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD AND WHEN YOU SLEEP, YOU'RE EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE PRECIOUS AND FABULOUS AND YOU MAKE THE WORLD SO WONDERFUL TO BE IN.
YOU CRIED WHEN I DROPPED YOU OFF AT LINDA'S AGAIN. I'M SO SORRY BABY. NOW THIS DAY IS JUST DRAGGING BY SO SLOWLY.

YOU'RE STILL SICK. I KNOW IT MAY SOUND LIKE YOU'RE SOME SICKLY LITTLE CHILD, YOU'RE NOT, I PROMISE - YOU JUST GET COLDS LIKE ALL KIDS DO, BUT YOU'RE MY BABY, AND I DON'T WANT ANY ILLNESS TO BEFALL YOU, SO EVERY TIME YOU GET EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT SICK, IT'S A BIG DEAL TO ME. THIS COLD, THOUGH, IS A BIT CRAPPIER THAN THE REST B/C YOU'RE SO VERY STOPPED UP AND COUGHING, BUT IT'LL PASS, I KNOW.

YOU'VE STILL GOT THAT DANG PACIFIER. I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU WHEN YOU'RE SICK. I JUST CAN'T. IT SEEMS SO MEAN TO DO. ONCE YOU'RE WELL AGAIN, WE'LL TAKE IT AWAY AGAIN AND GET BACK TO THE PACI ONLY AT NIGHT - BUT UNTIL THEN, IT'S YOURS.

LAST NIGHT YOU DECIDED I COULDN'T LEAVE YOUR SIGHT, BUT I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO YOU CAME INTO THE BATHROOM WITH ME AND PLAYED ON THE FLOOR WHILE I DID MY STUFF. THIS, OF COURSE, IS NOTHING NEW - NORMALLY I HAVE TO HOLD YOU AND MANAGE WIPING AND PULLING UP MY PANTS WHILE DOING SO (AWKWARD ONE HANDED, LOL), BUT LAST NIGHT YOU FOUND THE TOILET PAPER. AND YOU LOVE TOILET PAPER.


I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE ME. I REALLY DO. IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO LOOK AT YOU AND KNOW YOU LOVE ME. IT'S WONDERFUL TO LOVE YOU. TO FEEL THE LOVE SWELL UP INSIDE ME TO THE POINT THAT I THINK MY HEART WILL BURST. IT'S SO AMAZING.

I NEVER KNEW BEING A MOM COULD BE SO PERFECT. IT'S HARD, DON'T GET ME WRONG - THE LATE NIGHTS, THE CRYING, THE STRUGGLING TO JUST CHANGE A DIAPER WITHOUT GETTING POOP ALL OVER ME, THE SUCTION BULB-ING THE SNOT OUT OF YOUR NOSE WITHOUT ACCIDENTALLY POKING YOU IN THE EYE, THE STICKING A THERMOMETER UP YOUR BUTT WHEN I THINK YOU HAVE A FEVER AND MAKING SURE NOT TO ACCIDENTALLY STICK IT IN THE WRONG HOLE B/C THAT WOULD BE GROSS AND WEIRD, PICKING YOU UP AND PUTTING YOU DOWN AND PICKING YOU UP AND PUTTING YOUR DOWN B/C YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT YET, BEING PUNCHED IN THE FACE WHILE I'M SLEEPING, THE BEING SCRATCHED WHILE YOU TRY TO GET OUT OF THE TUB B/C YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I RINSE YOUR HAIR - ALL OF THAT IS HARD, BUT I DON'T DISLIKE ANY OF IT. I LOVE IT ALL. IT'S ALL WONDERFUL EVEN IF IT DOESN'T SOUND IT B/C I HAVE YOU. THE ONE THING THAT I THOUGHT WOULD BE THE HARDEST, IS, ODDLY THE BEST PART: THE FACT THAT I HAVE NO PRIVACY AND NO ALONE TIME ANYMORE B/C YOU HAVE TO BE NEAR ME - I MAY MISS THE ALONE TIME EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT I'D RATHER HAVE YOU WITH ME 24/7 THAN HAVE 5 MINUTES ALONE. YOU'RE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY ALONE TIME OR PRIVACY. YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL TO ME, BABY. ☺

I LOVE YOU ANGEL,
♥ MOMMA

I DROPPED YOU OFF AT DAYCARE TODAY AND YOU CRIED LIKE YOU NEVER HAVE BEFORE.

IT WAS HEARTBREAKING.

NORMALLY, WHEN I TAKE YOU TO LINDA’S, YOU WANT LINDA TO HOLD YOU, YOU GIVE HER KISSES AND HUGS, YOU LOVE HER – TODAY YOU DIDN’T WANT HER NEAR YOU, YOU KICKED AWAY FROM HER WHEN I HANDED YOU TO HER, YOU CRIED AND SNOTTED AS I LEFT YOU THERE. IT WAS TERRIBLE AND I’M SORRY.

I WISH I COULD STAY HOME WITH YOU FOREVER. YOU’RE SO WONDERFUL AND I’M SORRY I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE DURING THE DAY.

WHILE I WAS ON MATERNITY LEAVE, DURING YOUR FIRST 3 MONTHS OF LIFE, I THOUGHT OF EVERY WAY POSSIBLE THAT I COULD STAY HOME WITH YOU – FROM WORKING PART TIME, TO JUST QUITTING – AND NONE WOULD WORK. I WORKED MY REGULAR JOB PART TIME FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS, BUT THINGS WERE TOO HARD ON US FINANCIALLY. WE COULDN’T DO IT. I’M SO SORRY BABY. PLEASE KNOW THAT I NEVER WANTED ANYONE TO WATCH YOU OTHER THAN ME. PLEASE KNOW THAT IF I HAD MY WAY, I’D BE A STAY AT HOME MOM.

I LOVE YOU BABY.
♥ MOMMA

SO THIS WEEKEND WE HAD REALLY BAD STORMS AND OUR POWER WENT OUT. SO SATURDAY WE WENT TO THE MALL TO KILL TIME. WE WALKED PAST THIS STORE CALLED ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH AND YOU’D WALK IN AND START DANCING TO THE MUSIC THEY WERE PLAYING. IT WAS SO AWESOME.

YOUR DADDY IS A LITTLE BIT MORE HIGH STRUNG WITH YOU THAN I AM. YOU WERE ON YOUR BABY BACKPACK LEASH THING (IT LETS YOU WALK FREELY WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO GO TO FAR, IT’S AWESOME AND I CAN’T IMAGINE NOT HAVING IT) AND HE KEPT ROLLING IT UP GIVING YOU LESS WALKING SPACE AND I KEPT TELLING HIM TO STOP AND LET YOU WALK AND WHEN YOU TRIED TO TOUCH THE FLOOR OF ABERCROMBIE, HE KEPT MAKING YOU STOP AND I KEPT TELLING HIM IT’S OK, IT’S THE FLOOR. WHAT I FIND FUNNIEST ABOUT THIS SITUATION WITH YOUR DAD IS THIS – HE WON’T LET YOU TOUCH THE FLOOR AT ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH, BUT HE WANTS TO TEACH YOU TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE AND RACE CARS. IT’S HILARIOUS TO ME.

ANYWAYS, I HAD A SUPER NASTY COLD, AND B/C YOU’RE STILL SLEEPING MOST OF THE NIGHT IN BED WITH US – YOU NOW HAVE IT – AND YOU’RE AT HOME WITH YOUR NANA TODAY, BUT SHE’S STARTING TO GET SICK TOO SO I MAY HAVE TO TAKE A HALF DAY TO GO HOME AND BE WITH YOU SO YOUR NANA CAN GO HOME. WE’LL SEE I GUESS. I HATE IT WHEN YOU’RE SICK. YOU’RE SO LITTLE AND PRECIOUS AND YOU DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING BAD TO EVER BEFALL YOU. I HAVE TO WIPE YOUR NOSE AND B/C YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, YOU TRY TO TURN YOUR HEAD AWAY FROM ME, WHICH MAKES ME END UP WIPING HARDER AND EVENTUALLY YOUR NOSE GETS RED AND RAW AND YOU TURN YOUR HEAD AWAY B/C IT HURTS AND YOU CRY B/C YOUR NOSE HURTS AND I CAN’T MAKE IT STOP. AND THEN I HAVE TO USE THAT SUCTION BULB ON YOUR NOSE TO GET AS MUCH SNOT OUT AS I CAN, AND YOU HATE THAT AND I CAN’T BLAME YOU B/C I’M SURE THAT’S WEIRD AND CRAPPY.

I JUST WISH I COULD MAKE IT ALL BETTER WITH A WAIVE OF MY FINGER. I’M PRAYING YOU’LL BE BETTER SOON, BABY. I’M READY FOR YOU TO NOT BE SICK ANYMORE.

I LOVE YOU ANGEL ☺
♥ MOMMA

HEY SWEET BABY. HERE’S AN UPDATE ON HOW YOU ARE. YOU GOT SICK ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO. YOU HAD A FEVER THAT JUST KEPT ON GOING UP. WE TOOK YOU TO THE DOCTOR WHEN IT HIT 103.4 – DOC SAID IT WAS HAND, FOOT, AND MOUTH DISEASE AND THAT THERE WAS NOTHING WE COULD DO BUT WAIT IT OUT. THAT AFTERNOON YOUR FEVER WENT UP TO 104.5 AND I FREAKED, BUT IT WENT BACK DOWN TO REGULAR AND THEN YOU GOT A RASH ALL OVER YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE BODY. DOC SAID IT WAS NORMAL. IT FINALLY WENT AWAY THIS PAST WEEKEND BUT NOW YOU HAVE A COLD!!! YOU JUST CAN’T WIN, BABY. I’M SO SORRY FOR THAT. I STILL THINK IF I’D BEEN ABLE TO BREASTFEED YOU THAT YOU WOULDN’T GET COLDS SO OFTEN. I MEAN, THIS WILL BE THE FIRST COLD YOU’VE HAD IN A FEW MONTHS, BUT STILL. YOU’RE WALKING SO WELL NOW. YOU HAVEN’T MASTERED RUNNING, BUT THAT’S NO BIGGIE.

YESTERDAY MORNING, YOUR DADDY AND I GOT UP AND STARTED GETTING DRESSED FOR WORK, BUT YOU WERE STILL ASLEEP, SO WE LEFT YOU THERE IN THE BED (OUR BED) WHILE YOUR DADDY SHOWERED AND I BRUSHED MY TEETH. APPARENTLY YOU WOKE UP WHILE WE WERE DOING THAT B/C WHILE I WAS BRUSHING MY TEETH, YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN APPEARED, SMACKED ME ON THE LEG AND SAID, “HEY!” IT WAS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THE MOST PRECIOUS THINGS IN THE WORLD.

WE’VE KINDA BEEN BAD – WHILE YOU WERE SICK, YOU NEEDED MORE LOVE AND COMFORTING, SO WE LET YOU HAVE YOUR PACI ANYTIME OF THE DAY – NOW YOU’RE ADDICTED TO IT AGAIN. YOU START TO WHINE IF WE TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. SO THIS WEEKEND WE’LL TAKE IT AWAY AGAIN – ONLY DURING THE DAY – AND HOPEFULLY IT’LL BE AS PAINLESS AS THE FIRST TIME. ONLY THIS TIME WE WON’T GIVE IT BACK IF YOU GET SICK.

I HAVE A FEW FRIENDS THAT ARE PREGNANT – IT’S MAKING ME WANT ANOTHER BABY. TO THINK THAT I HAVEN’T BEEN PREGNANT SINCE 2008 IS WEIRD TO ME. TO THINK OF HAVING ANOTHER LITTLE BUNDLE OF AWESOME TO HUG AND KISS AND THAT YOU WOULD LOVE JUST MAKES ME EXCITED – BUT WE’RE REALLY BROKE AND DOING THAT WOULDN’T BE A SMART MOVE ON OUR PART. MAYBE IN A COUPLE YEARS WE’LL TRY – BUT I ALSO HAVE TO REMEMBER I’M 32 YEARS OLD. IN A COUPLE YEARS I’LL BE 34 – AND THE OLDER I GET, THE HARDER IT’LL BE TO GET PREGNANT. ADD TO THAT MY BEING OVERWEIGHT AND NOT EXERCISING AND THAT’LL JUST MEAN IT’LL BE HARDER TO GET PREGNANT. I JUST HOPE THAT IF WE DO DECIDE TO TRY AGAIN AND IT WORKS, THAT YOU LOVE YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER LOTS. I WANT YOU TO HAVE SOMEONE YOU CAN BE CLOSE TO, OTHER THAN ME OR YOUR DADDY (BUT OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO BE CLOSE TO US AND KNOW YOU CAN TALK TO US ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN).

WE WENT TO THE ZOO THIS PAST WEEKEND, B/C YOU WERE FEELING BETTER - AND WE GOT ONE OF THOSE PLUSH ANIMAL BACKPACKS THAT HAS A LONG TAIL THAT PARENTS CAN USE TO HOLD ONTO - SO YOU CAN WALK ON YOUR OWN, BUT CAN'T GET TOO FAR AWAY. AND YOU LOVED BEING ABLE TO WALK ON YOUR OWN. WHEN WE GOT TO THE AREA WITH THE BEARS, THEY HAVE NATIVE AMERICAN MUSIC (CHANTING) PLAYING ON SPEAKERS AND YOU STARTED DANCING AND SINGING ALONG. EVERYONE SAW YOU AND THOUGHT YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS (YOU ARE!). IT WAS COOL. I LOVE BEING OUT WITH YOU AND SHOWING OFF MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL.

YOU SAY, "BABA" NOW. BUT "BABA" DOESN'T MEAN JUST ONE THING. "BABA" MEANS BOTTLE, SIPPY CUP, PACIFIER, MAMA, DADA, UP, DOWN, DOG, HOUSE, BYE BYE, HELLO. IT'S SO CUTE HOW IT MEANS EVERYTHING :)

I GUESS THAT’S ALL FOR NOW. I LOVE YOU ANGEL. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

♥ MOMMA

HEY BABY!!! YOU STARTED WALKING IN THE PAST 4 WEEKS. IT’S PRECIOUS. YOU AREN’T COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE DOING IT YET, BUT YOU REALLY ENJOY IT AND GIGGLE EVERY TIME YOU DO IT.

WE HAVE TO GIVE YOU THE PACI BACK AT NIGHT. YOU JUST SLEEP BETTER WITH IT. SO IF YOU’RE IN YOUR CRIB, OR IN BED WITH US (OR IN MY ARMS ABOUT TO TAKE A NAP), YOU CAN HAVE YOUR PACI. IT JUST SEEMS AS THO YOU’RE HAPPIER WITH IT B/C YOU DON’T HAVE A BLANKY OF A DOLLIE OR ANYTHING THAT YOU JUST CLING TO, BUT YOU CLING TO THE PACI AT NIGHT. IT’S LIKE THE PACI IS YOUR SAFETY.

SATURDAY WAS YOUR FIRST EASTER THAT ACTUALLY COUNTED. I DON’T COUNT YOUR ACTUAL FIRST WASTER B/C YOU WERE ONLY A COUPLE WEEKS OLD AND DIDN’T CARE ABOUT BUNNIES OR EGGS. YOU GOT A BASKET WITH BABY SUNGLASSES, SOME CRAYONS, AND SOME SNACKS (NO CANDY) AND WE WENT TO THE ZOO. YOU ENJOYED SEEING THE SEALS THE MOST. YOU WALKED AS MUCH AS YOU COULD AND WORE YOURSELF OUT. WE STAYED FOR ABOUT 2 ½ HOURS AND BY THAT TIME YOU WERE STARTING TO PASS OUT IN YOUR STROLLER, SO WE LEFT AND YOU TOOK A LONG NAP. WE ATE AN EARLY DINNER AND YOU WERE ASLEEP BY 6:30.

I LOVE GOING PLACES WITH YOU SO MUCH! WE NEED TO DO IT MORE, BUT WE REALLY ON HAVE THE WEEKENDS SINC EYOUR DADDY AND I WORK. YOU SAY, “DADA” NOW, BUT YOU STILL DON’T REALLY SAY, “MAMA.” YOU SAY “HEY” AND “HI” A LOT, WHICH IS REALLY CUTE. I’M TRYING TO TEACH YOU “UP” AND “DOWN” FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO BE HELD AND WHEN YOU DON’T. YOU KNOW “ON” AND “OFF” BUT DON’T SAY THEM, AND YOU KNOW WHAT “LAY YOUR HEAD DOWN” MEANS B/C I SAY IT SO MUCH AT YOUR BEDTIME, HAHA!

YOU GIVE KISSES NOW. IT’S WONDERFUL. I WANT A KISS EVERY DAY ALL DAY. MOST OF THEM ARE OPEN MOUTHED KISSES WHICH IS HILARIOUS B/C YOU JUST OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND FOR IT ON MY MOUTH OR YOUR DADDY’S MOUTH. SO WE END UP KISSING YOUR TONGUE! EVERY NOW AND THEN WE GET A CLOSED MOUTH KISS, BUT YOU HAVEN’T LEARNED TO DO THE KISSY SOUND YET.

YOU JUST MAKE EVERY DAY SO WONDERFUL. I COULD BE HAVING THE WORST DAY EVER AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS LOOK AT YOUR PICTURE AND I SMILE. PICKING YOU UP FROM DAYCARE IS THE BEST FEEING IN THE WORLD B/C I GET TO WATCH YOU WALK UP TO ME WITH OPEN ARMS B/C YOU LOVE ME AND WANT ME TO HOLD YOU. IT’S THE HAPPIEST MOMENT FOR ME.

I WAS SO SCARED TO GET PREGNANT AND TO HAVE A BABY, AND I WENT THRU SO MUCH CRAP RECOVERING FROM THE C-SECTION AND WAITING FOR THE SWELLING TO GO DOWN, BUT I WOULDN’T CHANGE ANY OF IT B/C IT GAVE ME YOU. MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL. I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH.

I LOVE YOU BABY
♥ MOMMA

WELL, YOU’RE A YEAR OLD NOW!! I STAYED HOME FROM WORK AND WE WENT TO YOUR 1 YEAR CHECK UP WITH DR. MATHIS (YOUR PEDIATRICIAN). YOU WALKED ABOUT 15 FEET YESTERDAY AND THEN PLOPPED DOWN ON YOUR BOOTY AND WENT BACK TO CRAWLING. YOU’RE GETTING THE HANG OF WALKING, BUT STILL FIND CRAWLING TO BE FASTER, HAHA! YOUR BIRTHDAY WAS COLD AND CLOUDY, SO WE DIDN’T GET TO GO TO THE ZOO. MAYBE THIS WEEKEND WE’LL GO.

I’VE GOT TO START GETTING RID OF THE BOTTLE. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WEAN YOU OFF IT THOUGH. MAYBE WE’LL TRY IT IN A FEW WEEKS. I’M NOT PRESSURING IT JUST NOW.

YOU REALLY MISS YOUR PACIFIER AT NIGHT. YOU HAVEN’T SLEPT WELL SINCE WE TOO IT. YOU HAVEN’T FOUND YOUR THUMB AND YOU DON’T FIND ANY OF YOUR DOLLS OR TOYS TO BE SPECIAL ENOUGH TO GET ATTACHED TO THEM. SO I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’LL DO. MAYBE I’LL TALK TO YOUR DAD ABOUT GIVING IT BACK AT NIGHT. YOU NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL SECURE. WE’LL FIGURE IT OUT.

BTW, YOU STILL END UP IN BED WITH US EVERY NIGHT. YOU MAYBE SLEEP 3-4 HOURS IN YOUR CRIB, THE REST IS WITH US. I DON’T MIND. I MAY NOT SLEEP WELL, I MAY END UP COVERED IN YOUR PEE FROM LEAKY DIAPERS, YOU MAY PUNCH ME IN THE FACE IN YOUR SLEEP, AND I MAY COMPLAIN ABOUT IT – BUT I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT AND IF I HAD MY WAY, YOU’D BE IN BED WITH ME FOREVER SO I COULD HOLD YOU.

I LOVE YOU BABY, MORE THAN ANYTHING!
♥ MOMMA

WE WENT TO THE ZOO THIS PAST SATURDAY. IT WAS FUN. YOU DID PAY ATTENTION AND SEE A GOOD BIT OF THE ANIMALS. I WAS WORRIED YOU’RE TOO YOUNG, BUT YOU SAW THEM AND HAD FUN. YOUR GRANDPA RALPH GOT US A MEMBERSHIP FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY, SO WE’LL GO A LOT MORE NOW! YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER TOOTH COMING IN ON THE BOTTOM FRONT AND I NOTICED A MOLAR! OMG!! YOU’RE GETTING SO BIG!!! I MISS YOU BEING SMALL, BUT I LOVE BEING ABLE TO DO THINGS WITH YOU THAT YOU CAN’T DO WITH A LITTLE LITTLE BABY.

WE TOOK YOUR PACIFIER AWAY SATURDAY AT THE ZOO AND YOU HAVEN’T HAD IT BACK. I’M REALLY GLAD. I KNOW THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH PACI’S, BUT YOU’RE A TROOPER AND YOU’RE FIGURING OUT THAT YOU DON’T’ HAVE TO HAVE IT.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY!!!
♥ MOMMA

WE'RE GOING TO THE ZOO THIS WEEKEND!!! YOUR DADDY AND I ARE SO EXCITED! WE REALLY HOPE YOU'LL HAVE FUN.

12 DAYS TILL YOUR 1ST BIRTHDAY! I'M TAKING THAT DAY OFF WORK SO WE CAN DO SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'LL DO, BUT I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. I THINK WE MIGHT DO A SMALL GET TOGETHER THE WEEKEND AFTER (B/C YOU'RE BIRTHDAY'S ON A TUESDAY). IT'S MY BIRTHDAY THAT WEEKEND, SO WE CAN JUST COMBINE IT INTO ONE. WE PROBABLY WON'T DO TOO MUCH THOUGH. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HAVING BIG PARTIES FOR 1 YEAR OLDS. I MEAN, IT'S AWESOME, IT IS - BUT YOU WON'T REMEMBER IT, AND YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OF AN ATTENTION SPAN TO WARRANT A BIG PARTY. IF WE HAD ALOT OF MONEY, WE'D TOTALLY HAVE A BIG PARTY, BUT RIGHT NOW WE'RE SO BROKE, WE'LL DO WHAT WE CAN, AND I'M SURE YOU'LL ENJOY IT ☺

YOU'RE GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO WALKING!! YOU'LL STAND UP, LET GO, AND DANCE IN PLACE WHICH IS REALLY REALLY CUTE. EVERYONE SAYS YOU'LL BE WALKING BEFORE WE KNOW IT. YOU DID TAKE 1 STEP TOWARD ME LAST NIGHT, BUT THEN YOU PLOPPED RIGHT BACK DOWN ON YOUR CUTE LITTLE BUTT. IT'S SO AMAZING TO WATCH YOU LEARN.

I LOVE YOU!!!
♥ MOMMA

YOU’VE BEGUN TO BABBLE IN THIS STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS. IT’S SO CUTE. I’M STILL WAITING FOR REAL WORDS. YOU SAY, “MAMA,” BUT ONLY WHEN YOU’RE MAD B/C YOU’RE DIAPER IS BEING CHANGED OR WHEN YOU’RE REALLY UPSET. SO I’M NOT SURE IF THAT’S AN ACTUAL WORD YOU’RE SAYING, OR JUST SOUNDS YOU’RE MAKING – SO I DON’T COUNT THAT AS AN ACTUAL “MAMA.”

YOU’RE GROWING SO FAST. I COULD SAY THAT A MILLION TIMES AND IT’D BE TRUE EVERY TIME. SOMETIMES WHEN I PICK YOU UP FROM DAYCARE I SWEAR YOU’VE GROWN DURING THE DAY.

YOU DANCE MORE. YOU’VE BEGUN TO PAY ATTENTION TO MUSIC MORE. WATCHING YOU LISTEN TO SOMETHING YOU LIKE IS AWESOME B/C YOU BOB YOUR LITTLE HEAD SIDE TO SIDE AND BOUNCE UP AND DOWN.

IT’S ALMOST YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY. I JUST HOPE YOUV’E ENJOYED THIS YEAR AS MUCH AS YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE. I KNOW YOU WON’T REMEMBER IT, BUT I WANT ANY SUBCONSCIOUS IMPRESSIONS YOU HAVE OF THIS YEAR TO BE HAPPY ONES.

I LOVE YOU BABY.
♥ MOMMA

HAPPY 11 MONTHS BABY!!!! YOU HAD YOUR FIRST VALENTINE’S DAY! I’M SORRY IT WASN’T THAT AWESOME. WE JUST WENT TO YOUR NANA’S AND PAPA ALAN’S. ALTHOUGH YOU DID GET LOTS OF LOVE, SO THAT MAKES IT OK ☺. WE HAD A SPECIAL DINNER THAT I COOKED (AND YOU ATE IT B/C YOU’RE AWESOME!!) OF STEAK, BROCCOLI & CAULIFLOWER WITH CHEESE SAUCE, BLACKEYED PEAS (YOUR FAVORITE) AND SAUTEED ZUCCHINI.

I LOVE YOU SWEETIE!!
♥ MOMMA

YOU HAVE YOUR FIRST REAL DIAPER RASH. POOR THING. YOUR STUFF IS ALL PINK AND LOOKS SO PAINFUL AND YOU CRY SO HARD WHEN I CHANGE YOU. I WANNA KISS IT AND MAKE IT BETTER BUT THAT WOULD BE WEIRD AND WOULDN’T HELP ANYWAYS, LOL! I KEEP PUTTING DIAPER RASH CREAM ON IT AND NOTHING SEEMS TO HELP. TONIGHT WE’RE LETTING YOU HAVE NEKKID BUTT TIME TO SEE IF THE AIR WILL HELP. YOUR NANA IS WATCHING YOU TODAY AT HOME. SHE LOVES WATCHING YOU SO MUCH AND YOU LOVE HER. YOU’VE STARTED SAYING, “UH-OH” WHEN YOU DROP THINGS AND IT’S SO CUTE! YOU LOVE SHRIMP FRIED RICE AND YOU SAY, “MMMMMMM!” WHEN YOU EAT IT. I KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW, STANDARD PRACTICE SAYS TO WAIT UNTIL YOUR CHILD IS OVER A YEAR FOR PEANUT BUTTER AND OVER 2 YEARS FOR SHELLFISH – BUT WE HAVE NO HISTORY OF FOOD ALLERGIES IN OUR FAMILY (EXCEPT I HAVE A VERY MILD ALLERGY TO PISTACHIOS) SO I’VE LET YOU HAVE THEM AND YOU’RE FINE. THE ONLY THING I STICK TO IS HONEY – YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT UNTIL YOU’RE A YEAR OLD B/C IF IT’S NOT PASTURIZED ENOUGH (OR AT ALL) THERE’S A SPORE IN IT THAT COULD CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR YOU.

YOU STILL DON’T SAY “MAMA.” I KNOW YOU’LL SAY IT SOON ENOUGH, BUT IT WON’T BE SOON ENOUGH FOR ME.

I LOVE YOU ANGEL!!!
♥ MOMMA

ONE DAY, I HOPE YOU’LL BECOME A MOM. SOMETHING TO KNOW ABOUT THAT THOUGH, IS THAT YOUR FRIENDSHIPS WILL CHANGE AND SOME MAY EVEN DIE. AFTER YOU BECOME A MOM, YOU WILL TRY TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS WITH YOUR FRIENDS THAT DON’T HAVE KIDS, BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST CAN’T. NO FIGHTING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT – YOU JUST LOSE TOUCH. YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON ANYMORE. EVEN WHEN BEFORE YOU SEEMED TO HAVE EVERYTHING IN COMMON. NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU HAD BEEN FRIENDS BEFORE THE BABY. NO MATTER HOW CLOSE YOU WERE. YOU HAVE THE BABY AND THE FRIENDSHIP JUST KINDA DISSOLVES. IT’S SAD, BUT IT WILL HAPPEN WITH AT LEAST ONE FRIEND. POSSIBLY MORE. IT WAS JUST ONE FRIEND WITH ME – AND I’D KNOWN HER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL – BUT IT’S OK.

IT MAY BE INSTANT, IT MAY TAKE A YEAR. IT’S SAD AND IT SUCKS, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT HAPPENS, IT’S OK, AND IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN’T UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR BABY COMES FIRST. THEY CAN’T RELATE TO DIAPER CHANGES AND BOTTLES AND PACIFIERS. IT’S OK BECAUSE THERE WILL BE SOME FRIENDS THAT CAN HANDLE IT AND THEY’RE THE BEST ONES. AND NO MATTER HOW MANY FRIENDS YOU LOSE WHEN YOU HAVE THE BABY – THAT LITTLE BUNDLE OF AWESOME MAKES UP FOR IT ALL. I COULD HAVE NO FRIENDS AT ALL, AND JUST KNOWING YOU’RE THERE AND YOU LOVE ME MAKES UP FOR IT ALL.

SOMETHING ELSE I WANTED TO BRING UP, AND IT MAY BE AWKWARD FOR YOU, AND I’M SORRY, BUT IT NEEDS TO BE SAID – I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IF YOU’RE GAY – IF YOU REALIZE AS YOU GROW THAT YOU’RE GAY, OR IF YOU THINK YOU MAY BE GAY – IT’S OK AND I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME B/C IT’S NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD GO THRU ON YOUR OWN. I HOPE THAT BY THE TIME YOU’RE MY AGE, THERE ISN’T DISCRIMINATION AGAINST GAYS, BUT THERE PROBABLY WILL BE B/C THAT’S HUMANITY – BUT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU ARE. AND IF YOU AREN’T GAY – PLEASE DO NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST GAYS. THEY ARE PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU AND THEY DESERVE LOVE AND RESPECT AND FRIENDSHIP (AND GAY GUYS CAN THE BEST FRIENDS, LOL). BUT NO MATTER WHAT – IF YOU’RE GAY OR STRAIGHT, YOU AREN’T OFF THE HOOK FOR GIVING ME GRANDBABIES ☺ IF YOU’RE GAY, YOU CAN ADOPT, LOL!!

I LOVE YOU BABY!
♥ MOMMA

SOMETIMES, IF YOU’RE TRYING TO BE THE PEACEKEEPER – JUST DON’T. SOMETIMES YOU JUST CAN’T WIN AND KEEP THE PEACE. IT’S OK. IT’S OK TO NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE CONTROL AND CALM THINGS DOWN. AT THAT POINT, JUST BACK OFF AND LET THE STORM DIE DOWN ON ITS OWN.

YOU’RE GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO WALKING. I CAN’T WAIT!! YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENTS HAVE STARTED COMING IN. I GOT YOU SOME SUPER CUTE CLOTHES! NORMALLY YOUR DADDY PICKS THE BEST AND CUTEST CLOTHES, BUT I THINK I DID PRETTY WELL THIS TIME. I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOU TO WEAR THEM!

YOUR GRANDPA RALPH WAS IN TOWN THIS PAST WEEKEND BUT YOU DIDN’T GET TO SEE HIM TOO MUCH BC OF SILLY FAMILY DRAMA. I’M SORRY FOR THAT. YOU DON’T GET TO SEE HIM OFTEN ENOUGH SINCE HE LIVES IN ATLANTA AND WE LIVE IN MEMPHIS. I KNOW HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND WISHES HE COULD SEE YOU ALL THE TIME.

YOU ATE LIVERWURST YESTERDAY! AND GUACAMOLE (W/O HOT SAUCE) ON SUNDAY!! I’M SO PROUD. YOU EAT DIVERSE FOODS. THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU’LL LIKE THEM, BUT YOU AT LEAST TASTE THEM – SO THAT’S AWESOME.

I LOVE YOU BABY!
♥ MOMMA

WELL, YOU SAID YOUR FIRST WORDS TODAY AND I WASN’T THERE TO HEAR IT IN PERSON – BUT I DID HEAR IT OVER THE PHONE. YOU TOLD YOUR NANA TO “SHUT UP.” I’M HOPING THAT’S NOT REALLY WHAT YOU SAID AND THAT IT JUST SOUNDED LIKE THAT. I HOPE THAT IF THAT IS WHAT YOU SAID, YOU DIDN’T GET IT B/C YOU HEAR IT AT DAYCARE ALL DAY. YOUR DADDY AND I ARE, UNFORTUNATELY, GUILTY OF SAYING THAT PHRASE TO THE DOGS (B/C THEY LIKE TO BARK WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING) – BUT NEVER TO PEOPLE B/C THAT PHRASE IMPLIES THAT WHATEVER IS BEING SAID ISN’T IMPORTANT AND THAT’S NEVER TRUE. IT’S ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO HEAR PEOPLE OUT. EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING, YOU CAN NEVER BE SURE, AND YOU COULD ALWAYS LEARN SOMETHING.
OK, THAT’S MY 2 CENTS ON THE TOPIC OF “SHUT UP.”
I LOVE YOU!
♥ MOMMA

I BELIEVE IN GOD. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT. I JUST DON'T ENJOY CHURCHES. WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD SAY THAT SO FAR I HAVEN'T FOUND ONE I FEEL COMFORTABLE AT. YOUR DADDY IS THE SAME WAY. I WORRY THAT IF WE DON'T FIND A CHURCH THAT WE'RE DOING YOU A DISSERVICE, BUT THEN AGAIN WOULDN'T PUTTING ON A FACADE ALSO BE A DISSERVICE? I GUESS WE'LL GET TO THE GOD/RELIGION THING EVENTUALLY. I'VE READ ABOUT LOTS OF RELIGIONS AND I SEEM TO PULL BIT OF WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM EACH INTO MY DAILY LIFE. I THINK THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO I BE THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE. LIVE A GOOD LIFE. DO RIGHT BY OTHERS, EVEN IF THEY CRAP ON YOU, AND KARMA WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

I BELIEVE IN GHOSTS, AND SOMETIMES PSYCHICS - ALTHOUGH, I MUST ADMIT MY BELIEF IN THOSE ARE FALTERING A BIT AS I GET OLDER, BUT I'M NOT SURE WHY THAT IS. I THINK THAT WHEN YOU DIE, YOUR SPIRIT LIVES ON. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT ONLY A CERTAIN NUMBER OF PEOPLE WILL BE ALLOWED INTO HEAVEN AS CERTAIN SECTS OF CHRISTIANITY BELIEVE. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT GOD WILL KEEP CERTAIN PEOPLE OUT OF HEAVEN B/C OF THE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS ON EARTH. I DO NOT THINK THAT ANY RELIGION IS "WRONG." I THINK THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU CALL HIM/HER/IT, BE IT GOD, ALLAH, JEHOVAH, IT'S OK B/C IT'S ALL THE SAME ENTITY CONTROLLING IT ALL. I DO NOT BELIEVE, HOWEVER, THAT GOD WILL COME DOWN AND GRANT WISHES OR MIRACLES. I MAY CALL SOMETHING A MIRACLE (LIKE YOU ARE), BUT IT'S A MIRACLE B/C IT HAPPENED, NOT B/C GOD WILLED IT SO. I THINK THAT'S JUST MY PESSIMISTIC SIDE THOUGH. I USED TO THINK GOD GRANTED WISHES OR PRAYERS. I THINK AFTER YEARS OF THOSE GOING UNANSWERED I REALIZED THAT HE/SHE/IT JUST DOESN'T DO THAT. ALTHOUGH IT STILL FEELS GOOD TO TALK TO GOD AND ASK FOR IT - SO DON'T LET ME STOP YOU. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN "THE RAPTURE" B/C IT JUST OBVIOUSLY A CROCK. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE JUST MAGICALLY DISAPPEARING AND LEAVING THEIR CLOTHES BEHIND B/C GOD CALLED THEM UP TO HEAVEN? COME ON! THAT'S SILLY.

I BELIEVE THAT GOD LOVES EVERYONE, SO LONG AS YOU DON'T HARM OTHERS IN SUPER BAD WAYS (RAPE, MOLESTATION, MURDER, ETC), AND THAT EVEN THEN HE LOVES YOU, BUT MUST PUNISH YOU BY SENDING YOU TO HELL SO YOUR SOUL CAN LEARN THE ERROR OF ITS WAYS.

I WANT TO BELIEVE THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS. IT JUST SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE THAT WE WOULD BE THE ONLY "INTELLIGENT" LIFE IN ALL THE GALAXIES, UNIVERSES, PLANETS, ETC. BUT AS FAR AS ALL THE "ENCOUNTERS" PEOPLE TODAY CLAIM, I AM INCLINED TO NOT BELIEVE THEM B/C THEY ALL TALK ABOUT "ANAL PROBES" AND I'M SORRY, IF THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS - I HIGHLY DOUBT THEY CARE ABOUT OUR BUTTHOLES.

YEA, THIS IS A RANDOM, ODD LETTER. BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY IT.

I LOVE YOU!!
♥ MOMMA

YOU STARTED SLEEPING IN YOUR CRIB FRIDAY NIGHT. I MISS HAVING YOU IN BED WITH ME AND YOUR DADDY – BUT WE NEEDED TO GET YOU IN YOUR BED. IT’S TIME. ITHINK WE’LL MOVE YOUR CRIB INTO YOUR ROOM WHEN YOU’RE AROUND 18 MONTHS.

YOUR’E ALMOST WALKING. YOU HAVE A PUSH CART THA TYOU HOLD ONTO AND WALK. IT’S SO CUTE! I ALSO THINK YOU WANT TO TRY USING A FORK OR SPOON. I THINK I MAY BUY YOU SOME BABY FORKS OR SPOONS AND SEE WHAT YOU THINK OF THEM.

IT ICED HERE IN MEMPHIS THI SPAS WEEKEND. WHEN IT MELTS AND WARMS UP A BIT (HOPEFULLY NEXT WEEKEND), I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO THE ZOO FOR YOUR FIRST VISIT. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!

YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOWS RIGHT NOW ARE “YO GABBA GABBA” AND “SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS,” AND A FEW RANDOM SHOWS ON BABYFIRST TV. YOU’VE STARTED DANCING TO ANY MUSIC THAT’S ON AND I LOVE IT!

I ALWAYS WORRY THAT I DON’T TELL YOU I LOVE YOU ENOUGH. I SAY IT ALL THE TIME, BUT MAYBE THAT’S A NORMAL WORRY. MAYBE ALL PARENTS WORRY ABOUT THAT. I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORK. THAT I COULD STAY HOME WITH YOU ALL DAY. THAT I COULD BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. MAYBE THEN I’D FEEL LIKE YOU WERE GETTING ALL THE LOVE YOU NEED FROM ME. AS IT IS RIGHT NOW, I WORRY YOU’LL GET MORE ATTACHED TO LINDA THAN TO ME B/C SHE SEES YOU MORE THAN I DO. YOU’RE IN DAYCARE WITH LINDA ALL DAY LONG AND THEN I PICK YOU UP AND BRING YOU HOME, BUT I CAN’T PLAY WITH YOU OR LOVE ON YOU B/C I HAVE TO MAKE YOUR DINNER, BATHE YOU, AND GET YOU TO SLEEP BY 7:30 OR 8. IT’S PRETTY DEPRESSING. WHEN YOU GROW UP, IF YOU HAVE KIDS (I WANT GRANDKIDS!!), IF THERE’S ANY WAY YOU CAN STAY HOME – DO IT. I THINK YOU’D ENJOY IT. BUT THEN AGAIN THERE’S THOSE MOMS THAT NEED WORK, YA KNOW. SO IT’S COOL EITHER WAY – BUT IF YOU THINK YOU’D LIKE TO STAY HOME AND YOU HAVE THE ABILITY – DO IT. YOU’LL ENJOY IT.

I LOVE YOU BABY!!
♥ MOMMA

THE MINUTE YOU WERE BORN, MY LIFE CEASED TO BE ABOUT ME. IT’S ABOUT YOU NOW, LOLA. YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD. YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER. I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE IN LOVE WITH ANYONE OR ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. WHEN YOU WERE BORN, I WOULD SPEND HOURS JUST LOOKING AT YOU. I STILL LOOK AT YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. WHEN I’M AT WORK, I JUST STARE AT YOUR PICTURES OR WATCH THE VIDEOS I HAVE ON MY CELL PHONE. KNOWING YOU EXIST MAKES THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

YOUR DADDY AND I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE EACH DAY. WE LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW. WE WILL DO ANYTHIGN WE CAN TO KEEP YOU HAPPY AND SAFE. PLEASE KNOW WE’RE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU.

ONE REGRET I HAVE IS THAT I WASN’T ABLE TO BREASTFEED YOU. MY BODY JUST DIDN’T DO ITS JOB, I WAS PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO PRODUCE MORE THAN AN OUNCE OR TWO A DAY. I KNOW YOU’LL NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, BUT I DO. I HATE THAT WE DIDN’T GET THAT BONDING THAT SO MANY MOTHERS AND THEIR BABIES GET. I KNOW WE BONDED REGARDLESS, BUT IT’S ALWAYS AT THE BACK OF MY MIND THAT I FAILED, IN SOME WAY, TO PROVIDE FOR YOU.

YOU’RE ALMOST A YEAR OLD NOW! THE TIME HAS JUST FLOWN BY. I REMEMBER, AS A KID, THAT A YEAR SEEMD TO JUST DRAG ON FOREVER – BUT NOW I’M TREASURING EVERY MOMENT B/C IT JUST WON’T STOP. I WISH IT’D SLOW DOWN A BIT.

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE MINE. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GREW IN MY BELLY. I THANK GOD EVERY DAY FOR YOU. YOU’RE JUST SO VERY AMAZING.

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO COME UP WITH A WAY TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR WITHOUT FILLING OUT ONE OF THOSE “WATCH ME GROW” BOOKS THAT ARE POPULAR NOWADAYS – AND I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE IF I JUST WRITE LETTERS TO YOU, THAT IT MIGHT BE MORE MEANINGFUL. THIS WAY I CAN TELLYOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, HOW YOU’RE GROWING AND CHANGING, AND MAYBE PASS ON KNOWLEDGE AND/OR ADVICE THAT YOU MAY OR MAY NOT LISTEN TO. IF YOU’RE ANYTHING LIKE ME, UNTIL YOU HIT YOUR MID-20’S YOU’LL THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING AND WON’T LISTEN TO ANY ADVICE ANYONE GIVES YOU. AND THEN ONE DAY YOU’LL WAKE UP AND THINK TO YOURSELF, “WOW, I SHOULDA LISTENED TO SO AND SO B/C THAT WAS REALLY STUPID WHAT I DID” OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES. I KNOW I HATED COMING TO THE REALIZATION THAT I DIDN’T KNOW IT ALL AND THAT IF I’D JUST LISTENED TO THIS PERSON OR THAT – THAT THINGS MIGHT’VE BEEN EASIER ON ME. BUT WE EACH HAVE OUR OWN ROAD TO TRAVEL AND WE HAVE TO LEARN SOMEHOW. SOME PEOPLE LEARN BEST THRU EXPERIENCE AND NOT THRU FOLLOWING ADVICE. SO YOU DO WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR DADDY AND I WILL BE HERE NO MATTER WHAT.

I LOVE YOU ANGEL ☺
♥ MOMMA