YOU’VE BEGUN TO BABBLE IN THIS STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS. IT’S SO CUTE. I’M STILL WAITING FOR REAL WORDS. YOU SAY, “MAMA,” BUT ONLY WHEN YOU’RE MAD B/C YOU’RE DIAPER IS BEING CHANGED OR WHEN YOU’RE REALLY UPSET. SO I’M NOT SURE IF THAT’S AN ACTUAL WORD YOU’RE SAYING, OR JUST SOUNDS YOU’RE MAKING – SO I DON’T COUNT THAT AS AN ACTUAL “MAMA.”

YOU’RE GROWING SO FAST. I COULD SAY THAT A MILLION TIMES AND IT’D BE TRUE EVERY TIME. SOMETIMES WHEN I PICK YOU UP FROM DAYCARE I SWEAR YOU’VE GROWN DURING THE DAY.

YOU DANCE MORE. YOU’VE BEGUN TO PAY ATTENTION TO MUSIC MORE. WATCHING YOU LISTEN TO SOMETHING YOU LIKE IS AWESOME B/C YOU BOB YOUR LITTLE HEAD SIDE TO SIDE AND BOUNCE UP AND DOWN.

IT’S ALMOST YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY. I JUST HOPE YOUV’E ENJOYED THIS YEAR AS MUCH AS YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE. I KNOW YOU WON’T REMEMBER IT, BUT I WANT ANY SUBCONSCIOUS IMPRESSIONS YOU HAVE OF THIS YEAR TO BE HAPPY ONES.

I LOVE YOU BABY.
♥ MOMMA

HAPPY 11 MONTHS BABY!!!! YOU HAD YOUR FIRST VALENTINE’S DAY! I’M SORRY IT WASN’T THAT AWESOME. WE JUST WENT TO YOUR NANA’S AND PAPA ALAN’S. ALTHOUGH YOU DID GET LOTS OF LOVE, SO THAT MAKES IT OK ☺. WE HAD A SPECIAL DINNER THAT I COOKED (AND YOU ATE IT B/C YOU’RE AWESOME!!) OF STEAK, BROCCOLI & CAULIFLOWER WITH CHEESE SAUCE, BLACKEYED PEAS (YOUR FAVORITE) AND SAUTEED ZUCCHINI.

I LOVE YOU SWEETIE!!
♥ MOMMA

YOU HAVE YOUR FIRST REAL DIAPER RASH. POOR THING. YOUR STUFF IS ALL PINK AND LOOKS SO PAINFUL AND YOU CRY SO HARD WHEN I CHANGE YOU. I WANNA KISS IT AND MAKE IT BETTER BUT THAT WOULD BE WEIRD AND WOULDN’T HELP ANYWAYS, LOL! I KEEP PUTTING DIAPER RASH CREAM ON IT AND NOTHING SEEMS TO HELP. TONIGHT WE’RE LETTING YOU HAVE NEKKID BUTT TIME TO SEE IF THE AIR WILL HELP. YOUR NANA IS WATCHING YOU TODAY AT HOME. SHE LOVES WATCHING YOU SO MUCH AND YOU LOVE HER. YOU’VE STARTED SAYING, “UH-OH” WHEN YOU DROP THINGS AND IT’S SO CUTE! YOU LOVE SHRIMP FRIED RICE AND YOU SAY, “MMMMMMM!” WHEN YOU EAT IT. I KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW, STANDARD PRACTICE SAYS TO WAIT UNTIL YOUR CHILD IS OVER A YEAR FOR PEANUT BUTTER AND OVER 2 YEARS FOR SHELLFISH – BUT WE HAVE NO HISTORY OF FOOD ALLERGIES IN OUR FAMILY (EXCEPT I HAVE A VERY MILD ALLERGY TO PISTACHIOS) SO I’VE LET YOU HAVE THEM AND YOU’RE FINE. THE ONLY THING I STICK TO IS HONEY – YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT UNTIL YOU’RE A YEAR OLD B/C IF IT’S NOT PASTURIZED ENOUGH (OR AT ALL) THERE’S A SPORE IN IT THAT COULD CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR YOU.

YOU STILL DON’T SAY “MAMA.” I KNOW YOU’LL SAY IT SOON ENOUGH, BUT IT WON’T BE SOON ENOUGH FOR ME.

I LOVE YOU ANGEL!!!
♥ MOMMA

ONE DAY, I HOPE YOU’LL BECOME A MOM. SOMETHING TO KNOW ABOUT THAT THOUGH, IS THAT YOUR FRIENDSHIPS WILL CHANGE AND SOME MAY EVEN DIE. AFTER YOU BECOME A MOM, YOU WILL TRY TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS WITH YOUR FRIENDS THAT DON’T HAVE KIDS, BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST CAN’T. NO FIGHTING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT – YOU JUST LOSE TOUCH. YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON ANYMORE. EVEN WHEN BEFORE YOU SEEMED TO HAVE EVERYTHING IN COMMON. NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU HAD BEEN FRIENDS BEFORE THE BABY. NO MATTER HOW CLOSE YOU WERE. YOU HAVE THE BABY AND THE FRIENDSHIP JUST KINDA DISSOLVES. IT’S SAD, BUT IT WILL HAPPEN WITH AT LEAST ONE FRIEND. POSSIBLY MORE. IT WAS JUST ONE FRIEND WITH ME – AND I’D KNOWN HER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL – BUT IT’S OK.

IT MAY BE INSTANT, IT MAY TAKE A YEAR. IT’S SAD AND IT SUCKS, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT HAPPENS, IT’S OK, AND IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN’T UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR BABY COMES FIRST. THEY CAN’T RELATE TO DIAPER CHANGES AND BOTTLES AND PACIFIERS. IT’S OK BECAUSE THERE WILL BE SOME FRIENDS THAT CAN HANDLE IT AND THEY’RE THE BEST ONES. AND NO MATTER HOW MANY FRIENDS YOU LOSE WHEN YOU HAVE THE BABY – THAT LITTLE BUNDLE OF AWESOME MAKES UP FOR IT ALL. I COULD HAVE NO FRIENDS AT ALL, AND JUST KNOWING YOU’RE THERE AND YOU LOVE ME MAKES UP FOR IT ALL.

SOMETHING ELSE I WANTED TO BRING UP, AND IT MAY BE AWKWARD FOR YOU, AND I’M SORRY, BUT IT NEEDS TO BE SAID – I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IF YOU’RE GAY – IF YOU REALIZE AS YOU GROW THAT YOU’RE GAY, OR IF YOU THINK YOU MAY BE GAY – IT’S OK AND I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME B/C IT’S NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD GO THRU ON YOUR OWN. I HOPE THAT BY THE TIME YOU’RE MY AGE, THERE ISN’T DISCRIMINATION AGAINST GAYS, BUT THERE PROBABLY WILL BE B/C THAT’S HUMANITY – BUT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU ARE. AND IF YOU AREN’T GAY – PLEASE DO NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST GAYS. THEY ARE PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU AND THEY DESERVE LOVE AND RESPECT AND FRIENDSHIP (AND GAY GUYS CAN THE BEST FRIENDS, LOL). BUT NO MATTER WHAT – IF YOU’RE GAY OR STRAIGHT, YOU AREN’T OFF THE HOOK FOR GIVING ME GRANDBABIES ☺ IF YOU’RE GAY, YOU CAN ADOPT, LOL!!

I LOVE YOU BABY!
♥ MOMMA

SOMETIMES, IF YOU’RE TRYING TO BE THE PEACEKEEPER – JUST DON’T. SOMETIMES YOU JUST CAN’T WIN AND KEEP THE PEACE. IT’S OK. IT’S OK TO NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE CONTROL AND CALM THINGS DOWN. AT THAT POINT, JUST BACK OFF AND LET THE STORM DIE DOWN ON ITS OWN.

YOU’RE GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO WALKING. I CAN’T WAIT!! YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENTS HAVE STARTED COMING IN. I GOT YOU SOME SUPER CUTE CLOTHES! NORMALLY YOUR DADDY PICKS THE BEST AND CUTEST CLOTHES, BUT I THINK I DID PRETTY WELL THIS TIME. I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOU TO WEAR THEM!

YOUR GRANDPA RALPH WAS IN TOWN THIS PAST WEEKEND BUT YOU DIDN’T GET TO SEE HIM TOO MUCH BC OF SILLY FAMILY DRAMA. I’M SORRY FOR THAT. YOU DON’T GET TO SEE HIM OFTEN ENOUGH SINCE HE LIVES IN ATLANTA AND WE LIVE IN MEMPHIS. I KNOW HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND WISHES HE COULD SEE YOU ALL THE TIME.

YOU ATE LIVERWURST YESTERDAY! AND GUACAMOLE (W/O HOT SAUCE) ON SUNDAY!! I’M SO PROUD. YOU EAT DIVERSE FOODS. THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU’LL LIKE THEM, BUT YOU AT LEAST TASTE THEM – SO THAT’S AWESOME.

I LOVE YOU BABY!
♥ MOMMA

WELL, YOU SAID YOUR FIRST WORDS TODAY AND I WASN’T THERE TO HEAR IT IN PERSON – BUT I DID HEAR IT OVER THE PHONE. YOU TOLD YOUR NANA TO “SHUT UP.” I’M HOPING THAT’S NOT REALLY WHAT YOU SAID AND THAT IT JUST SOUNDED LIKE THAT. I HOPE THAT IF THAT IS WHAT YOU SAID, YOU DIDN’T GET IT B/C YOU HEAR IT AT DAYCARE ALL DAY. YOUR DADDY AND I ARE, UNFORTUNATELY, GUILTY OF SAYING THAT PHRASE TO THE DOGS (B/C THEY LIKE TO BARK WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING) – BUT NEVER TO PEOPLE B/C THAT PHRASE IMPLIES THAT WHATEVER IS BEING SAID ISN’T IMPORTANT AND THAT’S NEVER TRUE. IT’S ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO HEAR PEOPLE OUT. EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING, YOU CAN NEVER BE SURE, AND YOU COULD ALWAYS LEARN SOMETHING.
OK, THAT’S MY 2 CENTS ON THE TOPIC OF “SHUT UP.”
I LOVE YOU!
♥ MOMMA

I BELIEVE IN GOD. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT. I JUST DON'T ENJOY CHURCHES. WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD SAY THAT SO FAR I HAVEN'T FOUND ONE I FEEL COMFORTABLE AT. YOUR DADDY IS THE SAME WAY. I WORRY THAT IF WE DON'T FIND A CHURCH THAT WE'RE DOING YOU A DISSERVICE, BUT THEN AGAIN WOULDN'T PUTTING ON A FACADE ALSO BE A DISSERVICE? I GUESS WE'LL GET TO THE GOD/RELIGION THING EVENTUALLY. I'VE READ ABOUT LOTS OF RELIGIONS AND I SEEM TO PULL BIT OF WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM EACH INTO MY DAILY LIFE. I THINK THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO I BE THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE. LIVE A GOOD LIFE. DO RIGHT BY OTHERS, EVEN IF THEY CRAP ON YOU, AND KARMA WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

I BELIEVE IN GHOSTS, AND SOMETIMES PSYCHICS - ALTHOUGH, I MUST ADMIT MY BELIEF IN THOSE ARE FALTERING A BIT AS I GET OLDER, BUT I'M NOT SURE WHY THAT IS. I THINK THAT WHEN YOU DIE, YOUR SPIRIT LIVES ON. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT ONLY A CERTAIN NUMBER OF PEOPLE WILL BE ALLOWED INTO HEAVEN AS CERTAIN SECTS OF CHRISTIANITY BELIEVE. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT GOD WILL KEEP CERTAIN PEOPLE OUT OF HEAVEN B/C OF THE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS ON EARTH. I DO NOT THINK THAT ANY RELIGION IS "WRONG." I THINK THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU CALL HIM/HER/IT, BE IT GOD, ALLAH, JEHOVAH, IT'S OK B/C IT'S ALL THE SAME ENTITY CONTROLLING IT ALL. I DO NOT BELIEVE, HOWEVER, THAT GOD WILL COME DOWN AND GRANT WISHES OR MIRACLES. I MAY CALL SOMETHING A MIRACLE (LIKE YOU ARE), BUT IT'S A MIRACLE B/C IT HAPPENED, NOT B/C GOD WILLED IT SO. I THINK THAT'S JUST MY PESSIMISTIC SIDE THOUGH. I USED TO THINK GOD GRANTED WISHES OR PRAYERS. I THINK AFTER YEARS OF THOSE GOING UNANSWERED I REALIZED THAT HE/SHE/IT JUST DOESN'T DO THAT. ALTHOUGH IT STILL FEELS GOOD TO TALK TO GOD AND ASK FOR IT - SO DON'T LET ME STOP YOU. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN "THE RAPTURE" B/C IT JUST OBVIOUSLY A CROCK. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE JUST MAGICALLY DISAPPEARING AND LEAVING THEIR CLOTHES BEHIND B/C GOD CALLED THEM UP TO HEAVEN? COME ON! THAT'S SILLY.

I BELIEVE THAT GOD LOVES EVERYONE, SO LONG AS YOU DON'T HARM OTHERS IN SUPER BAD WAYS (RAPE, MOLESTATION, MURDER, ETC), AND THAT EVEN THEN HE LOVES YOU, BUT MUST PUNISH YOU BY SENDING YOU TO HELL SO YOUR SOUL CAN LEARN THE ERROR OF ITS WAYS.

I WANT TO BELIEVE THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS. IT JUST SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE THAT WE WOULD BE THE ONLY "INTELLIGENT" LIFE IN ALL THE GALAXIES, UNIVERSES, PLANETS, ETC. BUT AS FAR AS ALL THE "ENCOUNTERS" PEOPLE TODAY CLAIM, I AM INCLINED TO NOT BELIEVE THEM B/C THEY ALL TALK ABOUT "ANAL PROBES" AND I'M SORRY, IF THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS - I HIGHLY DOUBT THEY CARE ABOUT OUR BUTTHOLES.

YEA, THIS IS A RANDOM, ODD LETTER. BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY IT.

I LOVE YOU!!
♥ MOMMA

YOU STARTED SLEEPING IN YOUR CRIB FRIDAY NIGHT. I MISS HAVING YOU IN BED WITH ME AND YOUR DADDY – BUT WE NEEDED TO GET YOU IN YOUR BED. IT’S TIME. ITHINK WE’LL MOVE YOUR CRIB INTO YOUR ROOM WHEN YOU’RE AROUND 18 MONTHS.

YOUR’E ALMOST WALKING. YOU HAVE A PUSH CART THA TYOU HOLD ONTO AND WALK. IT’S SO CUTE! I ALSO THINK YOU WANT TO TRY USING A FORK OR SPOON. I THINK I MAY BUY YOU SOME BABY FORKS OR SPOONS AND SEE WHAT YOU THINK OF THEM.

IT ICED HERE IN MEMPHIS THI SPAS WEEKEND. WHEN IT MELTS AND WARMS UP A BIT (HOPEFULLY NEXT WEEKEND), I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO THE ZOO FOR YOUR FIRST VISIT. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!

YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOWS RIGHT NOW ARE “YO GABBA GABBA” AND “SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS,” AND A FEW RANDOM SHOWS ON BABYFIRST TV. YOU’VE STARTED DANCING TO ANY MUSIC THAT’S ON AND I LOVE IT!

I ALWAYS WORRY THAT I DON’T TELL YOU I LOVE YOU ENOUGH. I SAY IT ALL THE TIME, BUT MAYBE THAT’S A NORMAL WORRY. MAYBE ALL PARENTS WORRY ABOUT THAT. I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORK. THAT I COULD STAY HOME WITH YOU ALL DAY. THAT I COULD BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. MAYBE THEN I’D FEEL LIKE YOU WERE GETTING ALL THE LOVE YOU NEED FROM ME. AS IT IS RIGHT NOW, I WORRY YOU’LL GET MORE ATTACHED TO LINDA THAN TO ME B/C SHE SEES YOU MORE THAN I DO. YOU’RE IN DAYCARE WITH LINDA ALL DAY LONG AND THEN I PICK YOU UP AND BRING YOU HOME, BUT I CAN’T PLAY WITH YOU OR LOVE ON YOU B/C I HAVE TO MAKE YOUR DINNER, BATHE YOU, AND GET YOU TO SLEEP BY 7:30 OR 8. IT’S PRETTY DEPRESSING. WHEN YOU GROW UP, IF YOU HAVE KIDS (I WANT GRANDKIDS!!), IF THERE’S ANY WAY YOU CAN STAY HOME – DO IT. I THINK YOU’D ENJOY IT. BUT THEN AGAIN THERE’S THOSE MOMS THAT NEED WORK, YA KNOW. SO IT’S COOL EITHER WAY – BUT IF YOU THINK YOU’D LIKE TO STAY HOME AND YOU HAVE THE ABILITY – DO IT. YOU’LL ENJOY IT.

I LOVE YOU BABY!!
♥ MOMMA