TONIGHT IS THE FIRST NIGHT YOU'VE SPENT AWAY FROM HOME. IT'S SCARY, BUT OK. YOU'RE STAYING WITH YOUR NANA, SO I KNOW YOU'RE SAFE. YOUR GRANDPA ALAN IS OUT OF TOWN, SO IT'S A TOTAL GIRLS NIGHT SLUMBER PARTY FOR YOU. I KNOW YOU'LL LIKE IT, BUT IT'S STILL SCARY. TONIGHT YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO. I'M SO USED TO PUTTING MY HAND ON YOUR CHEST AS I GO TO BED TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE STILL BREATHING (MORBID, I KNOW). EVERY TIME I WAKE UP IN THE NIGHT, I CHECK ON YOU. NOT HEARING YOU CRY TONIGHT WILL BE REALLY WEIRD. NOT ENDING UP WITH YOU IN BED WITH ME WILL BE SAD. YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL.
YOU'RE STILL HITTING – BUT I'M DOING THE TIME OUT THING. IT'S DIFFICULT TO DO TIME OUT WHEN I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO GO TO SLEEP AND YOU HIT, SO I HAVEN'T DONE TIME OUT THEN – AND WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR CHANGING TABLE AND FUSSING AND SCREAMING B/C YOU HATE YOUR DIAPER BEING CHANGED AND YOU HIT – I HAVEN'T DONE TIME OUT THEN EITHER B/C YOU'RE NAKED. BUT WHEN IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE 2 SITUATIONS, I'VE BEEN PUTTING YOU IN TIME OUT FOR 1 MINUTE. AND IF YOU GET UP, I PUT YOU BACK IN TIME OUT AND START THE TIMER OVER. YOU HATE IT. YOUR DADDY REALLY HATES IT B/C IT MAKES YOU CRY – BUT I HAVE TO GIVE YOU LIMITS. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT WHEN I SAY NO, THAT I MEAN IT. I'M NOT HURTING YOU, JUST MAKING YOU SIT STILL. BUT LIKE I SAID, YOU HATE IT. LIZ CAME UP WITH THE IDEA OF GETTING A PLAY YARD AND USING IT SO YOU WON'T GET UP AND WALK OFF AND IT'D KEEP YOU IN THE "NAUGHTY SPOT". I LIKE THAT IDEA. GOTTA FIND A PLAY YARD ON CRAIGSLIST.

WELL. I GUESS THAT'S ALL RIGHT NOW.
>I LOVE YOU SWEET ANGEL.
♥ MOMMA

I KNOW IT'S SILLY TO FEEL THE WAY I DID. AND I'M BETTER NOW. I GUESS WE JUST HAD A COUPLE ROUGH DAYS THERE - BUT YOU TOTALLY LOVE ME AND YOU LIKE ME. I KNOW THAT :) IT'S OK.
YOU KEEP HITTING. THAT HAS GOT TO STOP, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET IT THRU TO YOU THAT IT'S NOT COOL. I GRAB YOUR HAND AND FIRMLY TELL YOU, "NO HIT, GENTLE" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I POP YOUR HAND AND SAY, "NO HIT" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I GET REALLY MAD AND ALMOST YELL, "NO HIT!" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I'M NOT PLAYING, DON'T HIT ME, DON'T HIT YOUR DAD, DON'T HIT YOUR NANA, DON'T HIT THE DOGS, DON'T HIT. NOW HOW DO I GET THAT THRU YOUR BABY SKULL? I HAVE NO IDEA. ALL I KNOW IS, I'M TIRED OF BEING SLAPPED AND I'M TIRED OF BEING TERRIFIED OF MY DAUGHTER HAVING HER HANDS NEAR MY FACE. I GUESS I'LL LEARN WHAT TO DO, BUT UNTIL THEN IT SUCKS...
I STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH, I PROMISE :)
♥ MOMMA

I KNOW YOU LOVE ME, BUT I WORRY THAT YOU DON’T LIKE ME. BECAUSE YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE TO WORK FULL TIME, YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR TIME WITH YOUR NANA, AND OF THAT I MUST ADMIT I’M VERY JEALOUS. WHEN I GET HOME TO YOU IN THE AFTERNOON, YOU’RE HAPPY TO SEE ME, BUT DON’T COME RUNNING UP TO ME AND DON’T WANT ME TO HOLD YOU. I CAN’T SPEND TIME WITH YOU AFTER WORK B/C I HAVE TO DO THE DISHES, MAKE DINNER, DO THE LAUNDRY. BY THAT TIME, I HAVE TO FEED YOU, BATHE YOU, GET YOU IN YOUR PJ’S AND THEN MAYBE SPEND 15 MINUTES WITH YOU BEFORE NIGHT NIGHT. YEA, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME – BUT WHEN DADA COMES HOME, YOU RUN UP TO HIM. YOU WANT HIM TO HOLD YOU AND PLAY WITH YOU. YOU RUN FROM ME. YOU SAY DADA, YOU SAY NANA, YOU VERY RARELY SAY MAMA. I KNOW YOU LOVE ME AND IN TIME YOU’LL WANT ME MORE AND NEED ME MORE… BUT RIGHT NOW I FEEL VERY UNWANTED. AND I MAKES ME SO VERY SAD.