TONIGHT IS THE FIRST NIGHT YOU'VE SPENT AWAY FROM HOME. IT'S SCARY, BUT OK. YOU'RE STAYING WITH YOUR NANA, SO I KNOW YOU'RE SAFE. YOUR GRANDPA ALAN IS OUT OF TOWN, SO IT'S A TOTAL GIRLS NIGHT SLUMBER PARTY FOR YOU. I KNOW YOU'LL LIKE IT, BUT IT'S STILL SCARY. TONIGHT YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO. I'M SO USED TO PUTTING MY HAND ON YOUR CHEST AS I GO TO BED TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE STILL BREATHING (MORBID, I KNOW). EVERY TIME I WAKE UP IN THE NIGHT, I CHECK ON YOU. NOT HEARING YOU CRY TONIGHT WILL BE REALLY WEIRD. NOT ENDING UP WITH YOU IN BED WITH ME WILL BE SAD. YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL.
YOU'RE STILL HITTING – BUT I'M DOING THE TIME OUT THING. IT'S DIFFICULT TO DO TIME OUT WHEN I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO GO TO SLEEP AND YOU HIT, SO I HAVEN'T DONE TIME OUT THEN – AND WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR CHANGING TABLE AND FUSSING AND SCREAMING B/C YOU HATE YOUR DIAPER BEING CHANGED AND YOU HIT – I HAVEN'T DONE TIME OUT THEN EITHER B/C YOU'RE NAKED. BUT WHEN IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE 2 SITUATIONS, I'VE BEEN PUTTING YOU IN TIME OUT FOR 1 MINUTE. AND IF YOU GET UP, I PUT YOU BACK IN TIME OUT AND START THE TIMER OVER. YOU HATE IT. YOUR DADDY REALLY HATES IT B/C IT MAKES YOU CRY – BUT I HAVE TO GIVE YOU LIMITS. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT WHEN I SAY NO, THAT I MEAN IT. I'M NOT HURTING YOU, JUST MAKING YOU SIT STILL. BUT LIKE I SAID, YOU HATE IT. LIZ CAME UP WITH THE IDEA OF GETTING A PLAY YARD AND USING IT SO YOU WON'T GET UP AND WALK OFF AND IT'D KEEP YOU IN THE "NAUGHTY SPOT". I LIKE THAT IDEA. GOTTA FIND A PLAY YARD ON CRAIGSLIST.
WELL. I GUESS THAT'S ALL RIGHT NOW.
>I LOVE YOU SWEET ANGEL.
♥ MOMMA
Friday, June 25, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I KNOW IT'S SILLY TO FEEL THE WAY I DID. AND I'M BETTER NOW. I GUESS WE JUST HAD A COUPLE ROUGH DAYS THERE - BUT YOU TOTALLY LOVE ME AND YOU LIKE ME. I KNOW THAT :) IT'S OK.
YOU KEEP HITTING. THAT HAS GOT TO STOP, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET IT THRU TO YOU THAT IT'S NOT COOL. I GRAB YOUR HAND AND FIRMLY TELL YOU, "NO HIT, GENTLE" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I POP YOUR HAND AND SAY, "NO HIT" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I GET REALLY MAD AND ALMOST YELL, "NO HIT!" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I'M NOT PLAYING, DON'T HIT ME, DON'T HIT YOUR DAD, DON'T HIT YOUR NANA, DON'T HIT THE DOGS, DON'T HIT. NOW HOW DO I GET THAT THRU YOUR BABY SKULL? I HAVE NO IDEA. ALL I KNOW IS, I'M TIRED OF BEING SLAPPED AND I'M TIRED OF BEING TERRIFIED OF MY DAUGHTER HAVING HER HANDS NEAR MY FACE. I GUESS I'LL LEARN WHAT TO DO, BUT UNTIL THEN IT SUCKS...
I STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH, I PROMISE :)
♥ MOMMA
YOU KEEP HITTING. THAT HAS GOT TO STOP, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET IT THRU TO YOU THAT IT'S NOT COOL. I GRAB YOUR HAND AND FIRMLY TELL YOU, "NO HIT, GENTLE" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I POP YOUR HAND AND SAY, "NO HIT" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I GET REALLY MAD AND ALMOST YELL, "NO HIT!" AND YOU LAUGH AT ME. I'M NOT PLAYING, DON'T HIT ME, DON'T HIT YOUR DAD, DON'T HIT YOUR NANA, DON'T HIT THE DOGS, DON'T HIT. NOW HOW DO I GET THAT THRU YOUR BABY SKULL? I HAVE NO IDEA. ALL I KNOW IS, I'M TIRED OF BEING SLAPPED AND I'M TIRED OF BEING TERRIFIED OF MY DAUGHTER HAVING HER HANDS NEAR MY FACE. I GUESS I'LL LEARN WHAT TO DO, BUT UNTIL THEN IT SUCKS...
I STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH, I PROMISE :)
♥ MOMMA
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I KNOW YOU LOVE ME, BUT I WORRY THAT YOU DON’T LIKE ME. BECAUSE YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE TO WORK FULL TIME, YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR TIME WITH YOUR NANA, AND OF THAT I MUST ADMIT I’M VERY JEALOUS. WHEN I GET HOME TO YOU IN THE AFTERNOON, YOU’RE HAPPY TO SEE ME, BUT DON’T COME RUNNING UP TO ME AND DON’T WANT ME TO HOLD YOU. I CAN’T SPEND TIME WITH YOU AFTER WORK B/C I HAVE TO DO THE DISHES, MAKE DINNER, DO THE LAUNDRY. BY THAT TIME, I HAVE TO FEED YOU, BATHE YOU, GET YOU IN YOUR PJ’S AND THEN MAYBE SPEND 15 MINUTES WITH YOU BEFORE NIGHT NIGHT. YEA, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME – BUT WHEN DADA COMES HOME, YOU RUN UP TO HIM. YOU WANT HIM TO HOLD YOU AND PLAY WITH YOU. YOU RUN FROM ME. YOU SAY DADA, YOU SAY NANA, YOU VERY RARELY SAY MAMA. I KNOW YOU LOVE ME AND IN TIME YOU’LL WANT ME MORE AND NEED ME MORE… BUT RIGHT NOW I FEEL VERY UNWANTED. AND I MAKES ME SO VERY SAD.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
WELL, YOU STOPPED THROWING UP. I’VE BEEN GIVING YOU PREVACID ONCE A DAY AND I THINK IT’S HELPING. SO I FEEL BETTER THAT YOU FEEL BETTER.
YOU CAN CLIMB UP ONTO THE COUCH NOW. YOU’RE JUST GETTING SO BIG, BABY.
YOU’VE SLEPT IN YOUR BED FOR THE PAST 3 NIGHTS. I MISS HAVING YOU IN BED NEXT TO ME SO WE CAN SNUGGLE, BUT I KNOW WE ALL (YOU, ME, AND YOUR DADDY) SLEEP BETTER IF YOU’RE IN YOUR BED AND WE’RE IN OURS. YOU STILL WAKE UP DURING THE NIGHT, BUT ALL I HAVE TO DO IS PAT YOU ON YOUR LITTLE BOOTY AND RUN MY FINGERS THRU YOUR HAIR AND GIVE YOU YOUR PACI AND YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP.
WE’VE TAKEN THE PACI BACK AWAY DURING THE DAY. THE ONLY TIME YOU GET IT NOW IS IF YOU’RE IN YOUR CRIB – AND IT’S WORKING JUST FINE. I HAVEN’T WORKED UP THE PLAN ON HOW TO BREAK YOU OF THE BOTTLE YET THOUGH.
YOUR DADDY AND I ARE TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO MOVE TO ARKANSAS SO WE CAN BE CLOSER TO YOUR NANA SO SHE CAN WATCH YOU WHILE WE’RE AT WORK. I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S GONNA HAPPEN, BUT I KNOW WE’RE GONNA TRY. I KNOW THE AREA’S BETTER, THE SCHOOLS ARE BETTER, AND I THINK IT’D BE A BETTER A ENVIRONMENT FOR YOU.
WELL, I GUESS THAT’S ALL FOR NOW.
I LOVE YOU BABY
♥ MOMMA
YOU CAN CLIMB UP ONTO THE COUCH NOW. YOU’RE JUST GETTING SO BIG, BABY.
YOU’VE SLEPT IN YOUR BED FOR THE PAST 3 NIGHTS. I MISS HAVING YOU IN BED NEXT TO ME SO WE CAN SNUGGLE, BUT I KNOW WE ALL (YOU, ME, AND YOUR DADDY) SLEEP BETTER IF YOU’RE IN YOUR BED AND WE’RE IN OURS. YOU STILL WAKE UP DURING THE NIGHT, BUT ALL I HAVE TO DO IS PAT YOU ON YOUR LITTLE BOOTY AND RUN MY FINGERS THRU YOUR HAIR AND GIVE YOU YOUR PACI AND YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP.
WE’VE TAKEN THE PACI BACK AWAY DURING THE DAY. THE ONLY TIME YOU GET IT NOW IS IF YOU’RE IN YOUR CRIB – AND IT’S WORKING JUST FINE. I HAVEN’T WORKED UP THE PLAN ON HOW TO BREAK YOU OF THE BOTTLE YET THOUGH.
YOUR DADDY AND I ARE TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO MOVE TO ARKANSAS SO WE CAN BE CLOSER TO YOUR NANA SO SHE CAN WATCH YOU WHILE WE’RE AT WORK. I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S GONNA HAPPEN, BUT I KNOW WE’RE GONNA TRY. I KNOW THE AREA’S BETTER, THE SCHOOLS ARE BETTER, AND I THINK IT’D BE A BETTER A ENVIRONMENT FOR YOU.
WELL, I GUESS THAT’S ALL FOR NOW.
I LOVE YOU BABY
♥ MOMMA
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
YOU KEEP THROWING UP. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON. THIS IS 4 DAYS IN A ROW NOW. IT’S STARTING TO WORRY ME A LOT. I TRY TO ACT LIKE IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME AND IT’S OK AND YOU’LL BE FINE, BUT REALLY I’M SCARED ABOUT IT.
THE FIRST 3 NIGHTS YOU THREW UP MULTIPLE TIMES AND IT WAS REALLY WATERY/MILKY WITH LITTLE CHUNKS – LIKE WATERED DOWN COTTAGE CHEESE, AND YOU STARTED THE THROWING UP WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP. LIKE YOU’D BE ALSEEP, YOU’D THROW UP, YOU’D STAY ASLEEP OR THE COLD OF THE AIR AGAINST YOUR WET SKIN WOULD WAKE YOU UP BUT NOT THE ACT OF VOMITING ITSELF – LAST NIGHT WAS DIFFERENT. YOU HADN’T BEEN TO SLEEP YET. WE WERE PLAYING IN THE FLOOR AND YOU GOT A LITTLE REFLUX IN YOUR MOUTH AND THEN STARTED VOMITING. AND IT WAS CHUNKY AND THICK LIKE MASHED POTATOES AND NOODLES AND YOU THREW UP LOTS (OR WHAT SEEMED LIKE LOTS), AND YOU CRIED B/C IT SCARED YOU AND YOU COULDN’T STOP IT. IT WASN’T WATERY.
YOU DIDN’T HAVE A VERY WET DIAPER THIS MORNING.
YOU SHOULD HAVE.
YOU HAD REALLY REALLY WATERY DIARRHEA LAST NIGHT. IT WAS MORE LIKE BROWN WATER THAN POO.
I’M TIRED OF YOU BEING SICK.
ARE YOU GETTING INTO SOMETHING AT DAYCARE YOU SHOULDN’T BE?
ARE YOU GETTING INTO SOMETHING AT HOME (I DON’T SEE HOW B/C WE FOLLOW YOU ALL THE TIME, BUT STRANGER THINGS DO HAPPEN)?
DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER DAMN VIRUS?
DOES IT HURT? YOU DON’T HAVE A FEVER. DAMNIT, LEARN TO TALK AND TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG B/C THIS IS HORRIBLE! YOU WAKE UP CRYING AND THRASHING ABOUT AT NIGHT. I’VE WRITTEN IT OFF AS GAS, BUT IS THAT PART OF WHAT’S WRONG?
OK, I JUST TALKED TO YOUR PEDIATRICIAN’S NURSE – SHE MADE ME FEEL BETTER. SHE SAID THAT SINCE YOU’VE GOT THAT COLD THAT DRAINAGE MIXED WITH ACID REFLUX HURTS, A LOT, AND MAKES YOU NOT WANT TO EAT (WHICH YOU HAVEN’T WANTED TO) AND IT’LL GIVE YOU DIARRHEA – BUT YOU HAVEN’T WANTED TO DRINK MUCH AND YOU NEED TO WITH DIARRHEA, SO I’M GONNA GET SOME GATORADE FOR YOU AND SEE IF YOU’LL DRINK IT – AND TO GIVE YOU MYLANTA TWICE A DAY FOR 2-3 DAYS IN ADDITION TO PREVACID AND IF YOU AREN’T BETTER OR SHOWING IMPROVEMENT BY THURSDAY AFTERNOON TO CALL HER – AND IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD ENOUGH WET DIAPERS BY TOMORROW NIGHT TO CALL HER THURSDAY MORNING. YOU HAVE TO DRINK THINGS, BABY. YOU NEED TO PEEPEE.
I JUST WANT YOU HEALTHY. YOU’RE SUCH A HAPPY LITTLE GIRL – BE HEALTHY TOO. GET BETTER. PLEASE.
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING
♥ MOMMA
THE FIRST 3 NIGHTS YOU THREW UP MULTIPLE TIMES AND IT WAS REALLY WATERY/MILKY WITH LITTLE CHUNKS – LIKE WATERED DOWN COTTAGE CHEESE, AND YOU STARTED THE THROWING UP WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP. LIKE YOU’D BE ALSEEP, YOU’D THROW UP, YOU’D STAY ASLEEP OR THE COLD OF THE AIR AGAINST YOUR WET SKIN WOULD WAKE YOU UP BUT NOT THE ACT OF VOMITING ITSELF – LAST NIGHT WAS DIFFERENT. YOU HADN’T BEEN TO SLEEP YET. WE WERE PLAYING IN THE FLOOR AND YOU GOT A LITTLE REFLUX IN YOUR MOUTH AND THEN STARTED VOMITING. AND IT WAS CHUNKY AND THICK LIKE MASHED POTATOES AND NOODLES AND YOU THREW UP LOTS (OR WHAT SEEMED LIKE LOTS), AND YOU CRIED B/C IT SCARED YOU AND YOU COULDN’T STOP IT. IT WASN’T WATERY.
YOU DIDN’T HAVE A VERY WET DIAPER THIS MORNING.
YOU SHOULD HAVE.
YOU HAD REALLY REALLY WATERY DIARRHEA LAST NIGHT. IT WAS MORE LIKE BROWN WATER THAN POO.
I’M TIRED OF YOU BEING SICK.
ARE YOU GETTING INTO SOMETHING AT DAYCARE YOU SHOULDN’T BE?
ARE YOU GETTING INTO SOMETHING AT HOME (I DON’T SEE HOW B/C WE FOLLOW YOU ALL THE TIME, BUT STRANGER THINGS DO HAPPEN)?
DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER DAMN VIRUS?
DOES IT HURT? YOU DON’T HAVE A FEVER. DAMNIT, LEARN TO TALK AND TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG B/C THIS IS HORRIBLE! YOU WAKE UP CRYING AND THRASHING ABOUT AT NIGHT. I’VE WRITTEN IT OFF AS GAS, BUT IS THAT PART OF WHAT’S WRONG?
OK, I JUST TALKED TO YOUR PEDIATRICIAN’S NURSE – SHE MADE ME FEEL BETTER. SHE SAID THAT SINCE YOU’VE GOT THAT COLD THAT DRAINAGE MIXED WITH ACID REFLUX HURTS, A LOT, AND MAKES YOU NOT WANT TO EAT (WHICH YOU HAVEN’T WANTED TO) AND IT’LL GIVE YOU DIARRHEA – BUT YOU HAVEN’T WANTED TO DRINK MUCH AND YOU NEED TO WITH DIARRHEA, SO I’M GONNA GET SOME GATORADE FOR YOU AND SEE IF YOU’LL DRINK IT – AND TO GIVE YOU MYLANTA TWICE A DAY FOR 2-3 DAYS IN ADDITION TO PREVACID AND IF YOU AREN’T BETTER OR SHOWING IMPROVEMENT BY THURSDAY AFTERNOON TO CALL HER – AND IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD ENOUGH WET DIAPERS BY TOMORROW NIGHT TO CALL HER THURSDAY MORNING. YOU HAVE TO DRINK THINGS, BABY. YOU NEED TO PEEPEE.
I JUST WANT YOU HEALTHY. YOU’RE SUCH A HAPPY LITTLE GIRL – BE HEALTHY TOO. GET BETTER. PLEASE.
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING
♥ MOMMA
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I LOVE WATCHING YOU SLEEP. YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD AND WHEN YOU SLEEP, YOU'RE EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'RE PRECIOUS AND FABULOUS AND YOU MAKE THE WORLD SO WONDERFUL TO BE IN.
YOU CRIED WHEN I DROPPED YOU OFF AT LINDA'S AGAIN. I'M SO SORRY BABY. NOW THIS DAY IS JUST DRAGGING BY SO SLOWLY.
YOU'RE STILL SICK. I KNOW IT MAY SOUND LIKE YOU'RE SOME SICKLY LITTLE CHILD, YOU'RE NOT, I PROMISE - YOU JUST GET COLDS LIKE ALL KIDS DO, BUT YOU'RE MY BABY, AND I DON'T WANT ANY ILLNESS TO BEFALL YOU, SO EVERY TIME YOU GET EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT SICK, IT'S A BIG DEAL TO ME. THIS COLD, THOUGH, IS A BIT CRAPPIER THAN THE REST B/C YOU'RE SO VERY STOPPED UP AND COUGHING, BUT IT'LL PASS, I KNOW.
YOU'VE STILL GOT THAT DANG PACIFIER. I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU WHEN YOU'RE SICK. I JUST CAN'T. IT SEEMS SO MEAN TO DO. ONCE YOU'RE WELL AGAIN, WE'LL TAKE IT AWAY AGAIN AND GET BACK TO THE PACI ONLY AT NIGHT - BUT UNTIL THEN, IT'S YOURS.
LAST NIGHT YOU DECIDED I COULDN'T LEAVE YOUR SIGHT, BUT I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO YOU CAME INTO THE BATHROOM WITH ME AND PLAYED ON THE FLOOR WHILE I DID MY STUFF. THIS, OF COURSE, IS NOTHING NEW - NORMALLY I HAVE TO HOLD YOU AND MANAGE WIPING AND PULLING UP MY PANTS WHILE DOING SO (AWKWARD ONE HANDED, LOL), BUT LAST NIGHT YOU FOUND THE TOILET PAPER. AND YOU LOVE TOILET PAPER.
I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE ME. I REALLY DO. IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO LOOK AT YOU AND KNOW YOU LOVE ME. IT'S WONDERFUL TO LOVE YOU. TO FEEL THE LOVE SWELL UP INSIDE ME TO THE POINT THAT I THINK MY HEART WILL BURST. IT'S SO AMAZING.
I NEVER KNEW BEING A MOM COULD BE SO PERFECT. IT'S HARD, DON'T GET ME WRONG - THE LATE NIGHTS, THE CRYING, THE STRUGGLING TO JUST CHANGE A DIAPER WITHOUT GETTING POOP ALL OVER ME, THE SUCTION BULB-ING THE SNOT OUT OF YOUR NOSE WITHOUT ACCIDENTALLY POKING YOU IN THE EYE, THE STICKING A THERMOMETER UP YOUR BUTT WHEN I THINK YOU HAVE A FEVER AND MAKING SURE NOT TO ACCIDENTALLY STICK IT IN THE WRONG HOLE B/C THAT WOULD BE GROSS AND WEIRD, PICKING YOU UP AND PUTTING YOU DOWN AND PICKING YOU UP AND PUTTING YOUR DOWN B/C YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT YET, BEING PUNCHED IN THE FACE WHILE I'M SLEEPING, THE BEING SCRATCHED WHILE YOU TRY TO GET OUT OF THE TUB B/C YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I RINSE YOUR HAIR - ALL OF THAT IS HARD, BUT I DON'T DISLIKE ANY OF IT. I LOVE IT ALL. IT'S ALL WONDERFUL EVEN IF IT DOESN'T SOUND IT B/C I HAVE YOU. THE ONE THING THAT I THOUGHT WOULD BE THE HARDEST, IS, ODDLY THE BEST PART: THE FACT THAT I HAVE NO PRIVACY AND NO ALONE TIME ANYMORE B/C YOU HAVE TO BE NEAR ME - I MAY MISS THE ALONE TIME EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT I'D RATHER HAVE YOU WITH ME 24/7 THAN HAVE 5 MINUTES ALONE. YOU'RE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY ALONE TIME OR PRIVACY. YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL TO ME, BABY. ☺
I LOVE YOU ANGEL,
♥ MOMMA
YOU'RE PRECIOUS AND FABULOUS AND YOU MAKE THE WORLD SO WONDERFUL TO BE IN.
YOU CRIED WHEN I DROPPED YOU OFF AT LINDA'S AGAIN. I'M SO SORRY BABY. NOW THIS DAY IS JUST DRAGGING BY SO SLOWLY.
YOU'RE STILL SICK. I KNOW IT MAY SOUND LIKE YOU'RE SOME SICKLY LITTLE CHILD, YOU'RE NOT, I PROMISE - YOU JUST GET COLDS LIKE ALL KIDS DO, BUT YOU'RE MY BABY, AND I DON'T WANT ANY ILLNESS TO BEFALL YOU, SO EVERY TIME YOU GET EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT SICK, IT'S A BIG DEAL TO ME. THIS COLD, THOUGH, IS A BIT CRAPPIER THAN THE REST B/C YOU'RE SO VERY STOPPED UP AND COUGHING, BUT IT'LL PASS, I KNOW.
YOU'VE STILL GOT THAT DANG PACIFIER. I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU WHEN YOU'RE SICK. I JUST CAN'T. IT SEEMS SO MEAN TO DO. ONCE YOU'RE WELL AGAIN, WE'LL TAKE IT AWAY AGAIN AND GET BACK TO THE PACI ONLY AT NIGHT - BUT UNTIL THEN, IT'S YOURS.
LAST NIGHT YOU DECIDED I COULDN'T LEAVE YOUR SIGHT, BUT I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO YOU CAME INTO THE BATHROOM WITH ME AND PLAYED ON THE FLOOR WHILE I DID MY STUFF. THIS, OF COURSE, IS NOTHING NEW - NORMALLY I HAVE TO HOLD YOU AND MANAGE WIPING AND PULLING UP MY PANTS WHILE DOING SO (AWKWARD ONE HANDED, LOL), BUT LAST NIGHT YOU FOUND THE TOILET PAPER. AND YOU LOVE TOILET PAPER.
I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE ME. I REALLY DO. IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO LOOK AT YOU AND KNOW YOU LOVE ME. IT'S WONDERFUL TO LOVE YOU. TO FEEL THE LOVE SWELL UP INSIDE ME TO THE POINT THAT I THINK MY HEART WILL BURST. IT'S SO AMAZING.
I NEVER KNEW BEING A MOM COULD BE SO PERFECT. IT'S HARD, DON'T GET ME WRONG - THE LATE NIGHTS, THE CRYING, THE STRUGGLING TO JUST CHANGE A DIAPER WITHOUT GETTING POOP ALL OVER ME, THE SUCTION BULB-ING THE SNOT OUT OF YOUR NOSE WITHOUT ACCIDENTALLY POKING YOU IN THE EYE, THE STICKING A THERMOMETER UP YOUR BUTT WHEN I THINK YOU HAVE A FEVER AND MAKING SURE NOT TO ACCIDENTALLY STICK IT IN THE WRONG HOLE B/C THAT WOULD BE GROSS AND WEIRD, PICKING YOU UP AND PUTTING YOU DOWN AND PICKING YOU UP AND PUTTING YOUR DOWN B/C YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT YET, BEING PUNCHED IN THE FACE WHILE I'M SLEEPING, THE BEING SCRATCHED WHILE YOU TRY TO GET OUT OF THE TUB B/C YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I RINSE YOUR HAIR - ALL OF THAT IS HARD, BUT I DON'T DISLIKE ANY OF IT. I LOVE IT ALL. IT'S ALL WONDERFUL EVEN IF IT DOESN'T SOUND IT B/C I HAVE YOU. THE ONE THING THAT I THOUGHT WOULD BE THE HARDEST, IS, ODDLY THE BEST PART: THE FACT THAT I HAVE NO PRIVACY AND NO ALONE TIME ANYMORE B/C YOU HAVE TO BE NEAR ME - I MAY MISS THE ALONE TIME EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT I'D RATHER HAVE YOU WITH ME 24/7 THAN HAVE 5 MINUTES ALONE. YOU'RE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY ALONE TIME OR PRIVACY. YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL TO ME, BABY. ☺
I LOVE YOU ANGEL,
♥ MOMMA
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I DROPPED YOU OFF AT DAYCARE TODAY AND YOU CRIED LIKE YOU NEVER HAVE BEFORE.
IT WAS HEARTBREAKING.
NORMALLY, WHEN I TAKE YOU TO LINDA’S, YOU WANT LINDA TO HOLD YOU, YOU GIVE HER KISSES AND HUGS, YOU LOVE HER – TODAY YOU DIDN’T WANT HER NEAR YOU, YOU KICKED AWAY FROM HER WHEN I HANDED YOU TO HER, YOU CRIED AND SNOTTED AS I LEFT YOU THERE. IT WAS TERRIBLE AND I’M SORRY.
I WISH I COULD STAY HOME WITH YOU FOREVER. YOU’RE SO WONDERFUL AND I’M SORRY I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE DURING THE DAY.
WHILE I WAS ON MATERNITY LEAVE, DURING YOUR FIRST 3 MONTHS OF LIFE, I THOUGHT OF EVERY WAY POSSIBLE THAT I COULD STAY HOME WITH YOU – FROM WORKING PART TIME, TO JUST QUITTING – AND NONE WOULD WORK. I WORKED MY REGULAR JOB PART TIME FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS, BUT THINGS WERE TOO HARD ON US FINANCIALLY. WE COULDN’T DO IT. I’M SO SORRY BABY. PLEASE KNOW THAT I NEVER WANTED ANYONE TO WATCH YOU OTHER THAN ME. PLEASE KNOW THAT IF I HAD MY WAY, I’D BE A STAY AT HOME MOM.
I LOVE YOU BABY.
♥ MOMMA
IT WAS HEARTBREAKING.
NORMALLY, WHEN I TAKE YOU TO LINDA’S, YOU WANT LINDA TO HOLD YOU, YOU GIVE HER KISSES AND HUGS, YOU LOVE HER – TODAY YOU DIDN’T WANT HER NEAR YOU, YOU KICKED AWAY FROM HER WHEN I HANDED YOU TO HER, YOU CRIED AND SNOTTED AS I LEFT YOU THERE. IT WAS TERRIBLE AND I’M SORRY.
I WISH I COULD STAY HOME WITH YOU FOREVER. YOU’RE SO WONDERFUL AND I’M SORRY I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE DURING THE DAY.
WHILE I WAS ON MATERNITY LEAVE, DURING YOUR FIRST 3 MONTHS OF LIFE, I THOUGHT OF EVERY WAY POSSIBLE THAT I COULD STAY HOME WITH YOU – FROM WORKING PART TIME, TO JUST QUITTING – AND NONE WOULD WORK. I WORKED MY REGULAR JOB PART TIME FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS, BUT THINGS WERE TOO HARD ON US FINANCIALLY. WE COULDN’T DO IT. I’M SO SORRY BABY. PLEASE KNOW THAT I NEVER WANTED ANYONE TO WATCH YOU OTHER THAN ME. PLEASE KNOW THAT IF I HAD MY WAY, I’D BE A STAY AT HOME MOM.
I LOVE YOU BABY.
♥ MOMMA
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