Saturday, April 20, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
I can't believe you're almost 4. Where has the time gone? You're so smart, and so funny, and silly, and wonderful. We're having a birthday party for you again this year. I feel kinda bad tho, we don't have any friends with little girls. So, if everyone shows that we've invited it'll be you and five little boys, but I don't know if everyone is coming or not. I hope they are bc I really want you to have fun.
I'm still pondering another baby. I really want one, but I'm so afraid of the thought as well. I want you to have someone. A sibling, a brother or sister, to grow up with, to love, to have for the rest of your lives bc while I want to live forever, I realize that it's not humanly possible to do so. I'm also worried about my age. I'm almost 35, so if we do have another baby, by the time it's born I'll be 36. That's just scary as well.
Oh, baby, I just don't know.
You know what I do know? I know I love you. I know I'm proud of you every day and I'm amazed at you as you grow and learn and become a little woman. You are my everything and I thank god for you.
I'm still pondering another baby. I really want one, but I'm so afraid of the thought as well. I want you to have someone. A sibling, a brother or sister, to grow up with, to love, to have for the rest of your lives bc while I want to live forever, I realize that it's not humanly possible to do so. I'm also worried about my age. I'm almost 35, so if we do have another baby, by the time it's born I'll be 36. That's just scary as well.
Oh, baby, I just don't know.
You know what I do know? I know I love you. I know I'm proud of you every day and I'm amazed at you as you grow and learn and become a little woman. You are my everything and I thank god for you.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Monday, December 17, 2012
something awful happened this past friday (12/14/12). it was terrible and tragic and horrible, and it made me hug you a little closer, and made me question what kind of world i'm raising you in, and it's made me cry a lot. when you're older, you might hear about it in history class (newtown, CT, sandy hook elementary school), but i'm not telling you about it now. you're too young. you shouldn't have to understand that children can die. and that parents can be left without their babies. that they can have an entire attic full of gifts for a baby that isn't alive to enjoy them anymore. this didn't even affect me. we're in the south, i know NO ONE in connecticut, but i cry about it. a lot. i think about it. a lot. i just hugged you and started to cry b/c you're alive, and you're ok, and i would die without you. it seems completely irrational to cry about a school shooting that doesn't affect me or the ones i love - but i am. i just hate that this happens. i don't understand what kind of world we're in anymore. when i was a kid, i could play outside and was able to run free around my apartment complex. nowadays there's no way in HECK i'd let you run free. god only knows who would try to hurt you. when i was a kid, i could go to school and be safe. the worst that would happen would be maybe i'd fall and skin my leg. but now... now even first graders can be shot to death in their classroom. i mean, how is that possible? what is this world that we're in? what kind of people.....
i do have hope tho.
i know that there are good people in the world.
i'm good, your daddy's good, you're wonderful - there are billions of good people out there. it's just the few misguided, lost, tortured souls that bring pain on the rest of us - it just seems like there's more of them lately. and it makes me worry for you, for me, for any siblings you may/may not have... for the future.
i know that this will pass. i'll be fine in a few days. the people up there, that actually experienced it will never be over it. they may push it to the back of their minds, but they'll never be "over" it.
i just thank god that i still have you, that you are healthy, that you are safe.
i do have hope tho.
i know that there are good people in the world.
i'm good, your daddy's good, you're wonderful - there are billions of good people out there. it's just the few misguided, lost, tortured souls that bring pain on the rest of us - it just seems like there's more of them lately. and it makes me worry for you, for me, for any siblings you may/may not have... for the future.
i know that this will pass. i'll be fine in a few days. the people up there, that actually experienced it will never be over it. they may push it to the back of their minds, but they'll never be "over" it.
i just thank god that i still have you, that you are healthy, that you are safe.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
YOU TOLD YOUR GRANDMA LINDA THAT YOU WANT A BABY SISTER. THAT YOUR DADDY AND I HAVE TO GO TO THE STORE AND GET YOU A BABY SISTER. I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT. WELL I DO KNOW, BUT IT'S ONE OF THOSE SCARY FEELINGS. LIKE, I WANT ANOTHER BABY. I TOTALLY DO. BUT THE IDEA OF HAVING ANOTHER AND NOT HAVING AS MUCH TIME FOR YOU AS I DO RIGHT NOW SCARES ME, B/C I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL, IN ANY WAY, NEGLECTED OR UNLOVED. AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO EVER BE JEALOUS OF YOUR SIBLING (B/C WHILE I'D LOVE ANOTHER GIRL, I CAN'T PROMISE WHAT YOUR DADDY AND I WOULD CREATE. ALL I COULD PROMISE WOULD BE THAT IT'D BE HUMAN). AND WHILE I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL LEFT OUT/JEALOUS/UNLOVED/ETC, I ALSO WOULDN'T WANT THE NEW BABY TO FEEL THAT WAY AT ALL EITHER. I'D WANT TO MAKE 10000000% SURE THAT YOU BOTH KNEW AND FELT LOVED BY YOUR DADDY AND ME.
HAVING ANOTHER BABY WOULD MEAN LESS SNUGGLE TIME WITH YOU. THAT'S SAD. THE THOUGHT OF NOT HOLDING YOUR PRECIOUS SELF ALL NIGHT LONG MAKES ME SAD. BUT YOU REALLY DO NEED TO SLEEP IN YOUR OWN BED. YOU'RE ALMOST 4 NOW. YOUR BED IS WHERE YOU SHOULD BE.
IF WE HAD ANOTHER BABY, IT WOULD HAVE TO SLEEP IN ITS BED, SO YOU WOULD HAVE TO AS WELL.
WHAT IF IT'S A BOY? WE'D HAVE TO SPLIT THE ROOM DECORATIONS B/C WE CAN'T MOVE, SO YOU'D HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH IT, REGARDLESS OF GENDER.
GOSH, LO. I JUST DON'T KNOW. WHILE THERE'S SO MANY POSITIVES ABOUT ANOTHER BABY, THERE'S SO MUCH WE'D BE GIVING UP BY DOING SO. BUT THERE'S ALSO SO MUCH TO GAIN. HELL, HAVING YOU WAS TERRIFYING AND AMAZING. I'VE ASKED YOU A FEW TIMES IF YOU REALLY WANT ONE. I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU IT'D BE A PLAYMATE, B/C A BABY IS BY NO MEANS A PLAYMATE. I'VE ASKED YOU IF YOU'D HELP ME CHANGE DIAPERS AND FEED IT. YOU SAY YES EVERY TIME. YOU'VE EVEN SAID, "MOMMA, I PROMISE TO SHARE MY TOYS WITH MY BABY SISTER. I PROMISE."
YOU'RE JUST SO CUTE, BABY. I FIND MYSELF STARING IN AMAZEMENT AND AWE AT YOU SO MANY TIMES THRU THE DAY. EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS WONDERFUL. YOUR HAND GESTURES ARE PRECIOUS. YOUR HUGS ARE THE BEST THING EVER. YOU ARE THE BEST THING EVER.
I TELL YOU EVERY DAY, MANY TIMES A DAY, SO I HOPE YOU BELIEVE ME, BUT YOU REALLY ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING.
♥ MOMMA
HAVING ANOTHER BABY WOULD MEAN LESS SNUGGLE TIME WITH YOU. THAT'S SAD. THE THOUGHT OF NOT HOLDING YOUR PRECIOUS SELF ALL NIGHT LONG MAKES ME SAD. BUT YOU REALLY DO NEED TO SLEEP IN YOUR OWN BED. YOU'RE ALMOST 4 NOW. YOUR BED IS WHERE YOU SHOULD BE.
IF WE HAD ANOTHER BABY, IT WOULD HAVE TO SLEEP IN ITS BED, SO YOU WOULD HAVE TO AS WELL.
WHAT IF IT'S A BOY? WE'D HAVE TO SPLIT THE ROOM DECORATIONS B/C WE CAN'T MOVE, SO YOU'D HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH IT, REGARDLESS OF GENDER.
GOSH, LO. I JUST DON'T KNOW. WHILE THERE'S SO MANY POSITIVES ABOUT ANOTHER BABY, THERE'S SO MUCH WE'D BE GIVING UP BY DOING SO. BUT THERE'S ALSO SO MUCH TO GAIN. HELL, HAVING YOU WAS TERRIFYING AND AMAZING. I'VE ASKED YOU A FEW TIMES IF YOU REALLY WANT ONE. I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU IT'D BE A PLAYMATE, B/C A BABY IS BY NO MEANS A PLAYMATE. I'VE ASKED YOU IF YOU'D HELP ME CHANGE DIAPERS AND FEED IT. YOU SAY YES EVERY TIME. YOU'VE EVEN SAID, "MOMMA, I PROMISE TO SHARE MY TOYS WITH MY BABY SISTER. I PROMISE."
YOU'RE JUST SO CUTE, BABY. I FIND MYSELF STARING IN AMAZEMENT AND AWE AT YOU SO MANY TIMES THRU THE DAY. EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS WONDERFUL. YOUR HAND GESTURES ARE PRECIOUS. YOUR HUGS ARE THE BEST THING EVER. YOU ARE THE BEST THING EVER.
I TELL YOU EVERY DAY, MANY TIMES A DAY, SO I HOPE YOU BELIEVE ME, BUT YOU REALLY ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING.
♥ MOMMA
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
OH MY GRACIOUS. YOU HAVE GOT A STUBBORN LITTLE HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS. YOU WON'T GO TO BED UNTIL 9 OR 10 AT NIGHT, YOU TELL ME TO STOP IT, YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP, YOU ELBOW ME, YOU HIT ME, YOU WANT TO DO EVERYTHING "BY MYSELF!!!!"
YOU'RE GROWING UP AND ASSERTING YOUR INDEPENDENCE. I TRIED TIME OUTS, THEY DID NOTHING BUT MAKE YOU SCREAM LOUDER AND YOU DIDN'T LEARN ANY LESSON FROM IT. SO NOW I'M HAVING TO COUNT TO THREE AS A WARNING FOR WHEN YOU'RE SMARTING OFF OR TELLING ME TO SHUT UP OR WHATEVER - IF I GET TO THREE, YOU GET A POP ON YOUR BUTT - AND THAT DOESN'T EVEN WORK THAT MUCH, SO I END UP HAVING TO POP YOU AGAIN MOST TIMES. I NEVER WANTED TO BE THAT MOM THAT POPS HER KID ON THE BUTT FOR DOING THIS OR THAT - BUT I AM. YOU DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE OR ACCEPT MY AUTHORITY, AND I UNDERSTAND THAT'S B/C YOU'RE 3 YEARS OLD - BUT I STILL HAVE TO TRY TO MAKE YOU LEARN THAT TELLING ANYONE, LET ALONE YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER TO SHUT UP IS NOT ACCEPTABLE (THERE'S A PHRASE I HATED WITH A PASSION WHILE GROWING UP).
SO I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE BUTT POPPING - AND JUST LET YOU KNOW THAT WHILE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND NOW, AND YOU'LL PROBABLY USE IT AS A REASON TO RESENT ME WHEN YOU'RE A TEENAGER - WHEN YOU GROW UP, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND, AND WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD OF YOUR OWN, YOU'LL REALLY UNDERSTAND. AND HOPEFULLY YOU'LL BE THE MOM THAT HAS IT ALL REALLY EASY AND NEVER HAS ANY DISCIPLINE ISSUES AND NEVER HAS TO EVEN COUNT TO THREE - BUT IF YOU DO, KNOW THAT IT'S OK. I'M NOT DOING IT TO HURT YOU, I'M DOING IT B/C I HAVE TO TEACH YOU - AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL BE DOING (IF YOU END UP HAVING TO DO IT TO YOUR OWN CHILD).
ON A LIGHTER NOTE, WE GOT YOU A PUPPY. WELL, YOUR NINA GOT YOU A PUPPY, BUT DADDY AND I GAVE THE OK TO DO IT. SHE'S A SHIH TZU, LIKE MY LULU WAS. SHE'S BLACK AND WHITE, AND HER NAME IS GRACIE LU MCNIBBLES-PAISLEY. SHE'S AWESOME. SHE'S 4 MONTHS OLD. YOU LOVE HER. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE TO BE GENTLE WITH HER B/C SHE'S STILL A BABY, BUT YOU'RE LEARNING. WATCHING YOU LAUGH AND RUN AND PLAY WITH HER IS WONDERFUL AND EXACTLY WHAT YOUR DADDY AND I WANTED YOU TO HAVE. SO THAT'S TOTALLY AWESOME.
NO MATTER WHAT, JUST KNOW THAT WE LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND ARE PROUD OF YOU.
I LOVE YOU ANGEL GIRL
♥ MOMMA
YOU'RE GROWING UP AND ASSERTING YOUR INDEPENDENCE. I TRIED TIME OUTS, THEY DID NOTHING BUT MAKE YOU SCREAM LOUDER AND YOU DIDN'T LEARN ANY LESSON FROM IT. SO NOW I'M HAVING TO COUNT TO THREE AS A WARNING FOR WHEN YOU'RE SMARTING OFF OR TELLING ME TO SHUT UP OR WHATEVER - IF I GET TO THREE, YOU GET A POP ON YOUR BUTT - AND THAT DOESN'T EVEN WORK THAT MUCH, SO I END UP HAVING TO POP YOU AGAIN MOST TIMES. I NEVER WANTED TO BE THAT MOM THAT POPS HER KID ON THE BUTT FOR DOING THIS OR THAT - BUT I AM. YOU DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE OR ACCEPT MY AUTHORITY, AND I UNDERSTAND THAT'S B/C YOU'RE 3 YEARS OLD - BUT I STILL HAVE TO TRY TO MAKE YOU LEARN THAT TELLING ANYONE, LET ALONE YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER TO SHUT UP IS NOT ACCEPTABLE (THERE'S A PHRASE I HATED WITH A PASSION WHILE GROWING UP).
SO I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE BUTT POPPING - AND JUST LET YOU KNOW THAT WHILE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND NOW, AND YOU'LL PROBABLY USE IT AS A REASON TO RESENT ME WHEN YOU'RE A TEENAGER - WHEN YOU GROW UP, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND, AND WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD OF YOUR OWN, YOU'LL REALLY UNDERSTAND. AND HOPEFULLY YOU'LL BE THE MOM THAT HAS IT ALL REALLY EASY AND NEVER HAS ANY DISCIPLINE ISSUES AND NEVER HAS TO EVEN COUNT TO THREE - BUT IF YOU DO, KNOW THAT IT'S OK. I'M NOT DOING IT TO HURT YOU, I'M DOING IT B/C I HAVE TO TEACH YOU - AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL BE DOING (IF YOU END UP HAVING TO DO IT TO YOUR OWN CHILD).
ON A LIGHTER NOTE, WE GOT YOU A PUPPY. WELL, YOUR NINA GOT YOU A PUPPY, BUT DADDY AND I GAVE THE OK TO DO IT. SHE'S A SHIH TZU, LIKE MY LULU WAS. SHE'S BLACK AND WHITE, AND HER NAME IS GRACIE LU MCNIBBLES-PAISLEY. SHE'S AWESOME. SHE'S 4 MONTHS OLD. YOU LOVE HER. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE TO BE GENTLE WITH HER B/C SHE'S STILL A BABY, BUT YOU'RE LEARNING. WATCHING YOU LAUGH AND RUN AND PLAY WITH HER IS WONDERFUL AND EXACTLY WHAT YOUR DADDY AND I WANTED YOU TO HAVE. SO THAT'S TOTALLY AWESOME.
NO MATTER WHAT, JUST KNOW THAT WE LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND ARE PROUD OF YOU.
I LOVE YOU ANGEL GIRL
♥ MOMMA
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
there is nothing cuter in this entire world than your little bitty butt when I change your diaper in the middle of the night and you roll over mid-change and stick it in up in the air. I love to kiss the place underneath your chin and I love to pat your precious nekkid butt. There will never be a butt as precious and sweet as yours. You could be 95 years old and that butt would still be the sweetest thing ever and under you chin would still be the best kiss place. I was talking to momma once and I asked her, "Do you ever not want to just cuddle with your kid regardless of how old they are?"and she said, "No." And she's right. I don't care how old you are, I cannot ever imagine a time that I wouldn't drop everything just for a chance to go snuggle in bed with you. Just hold you, breathe in the smell of your hair, listen to your breath, and just be near you. You really are the greatest thing I've ever done and everything you do and everything you are makes my life better.
♥ momma
♥ momma
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