Your sister's name is Vera Louise Paisley. She was born on April 30, 2014. You came to the hospital and held her. You love her. It has been an adjustment for you, you've become a little bit more demanding, and a little bit more clingy especially with your daddy. I'm not quite sure why it's directed towards your daddy, and not me, seeing as I'm the one that's holding the baby most of the time. But we know that this will pass. We love you just as much as we always did, if not more so, because we see you love on your sister. I used to worry if I had enough love in me for you and the new baby, but I do. I had no idea I could love you two as much as I do. You're such a wonderful little girl Lola. And you are the best big sister. Love you.

❤️ momma

WELL, WE DID IT. WE MADE A BABY BROTHER OR SISTER FOR YOU. YOU WANTED ONE, WE WANTED ONE, AND NOW I’M 4-6 WEEKS PREGNANT. WE HAVEN’T TOLD YOU YET B/C AT 4, YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND IF SOMETHING WERE TO GO WRONG, SO WE’LL WAIT UNTIL I’M 8-10 WEEKS TO TELL YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY. YOU’RE DADDY AND I BOTH ARE  SO AFRAID THAT YOU OR THE NEW BABY MAY THINK, AT ONE POINT IN THE FUTURE, THAT WE LOVE ONE MORE THAN THE OTHER – BUT PLEASE KNOW THAT WE WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS LOVE YOU BOTH THE SAME AND WITH ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD AND WITH OUR WHOLE HEARTS.

YOU WILL BOTH BE MY FAVORITE PEOPLE EVER. YOU WILL BOTH BE MY ANGELS. YOU WILL BOTH BE THE BEST HUMANS EVER MADE. I LOVE YOU.

FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER.

 

Haven't written in a while. That's ok tho. You're still amazing... and still sleeping in bed with me and your daddy. You ask for a baby sister more now, so we're gonna see if we can make that happen in the next couple months. We still don't have Gracie back. I think she's just going to have to stay at your Neena's house. I'm really sorry about that. Please know that I feel like. Complete and utter failure about that whole thing. I hope that one day we can bring her back here or get another dog. At this point I thin she's been with your Neena for so long that there's really no bringing her back to live. She'd be very unhappy and we don't want that. 

It's almost July fourth, so we' gonna do fireworks this year. You haven't experienced that before bc we were always worried about the explosions scaring you, so we think this year is the year for you! We're gonna go to Mud Island and play and have a picnic and watch the fireworks at dark. Friday we are gonna try our first movie at the movie theater. Gonna see Monsters University. You love Monsters Inc, and I've heard good things about this sequel, so we'll go check it out. 

I love you. You are the most wonderful girl in the world. 

And here's a picture of you picking a wedgie (which has become your new favorite pastime)

Squish face girl. I love you.

I can't believe you're almost 4. Where has the time gone? You're so smart, and so funny, and silly, and wonderful. We're having a birthday party for you again this year. I feel kinda bad tho, we don't have any friends with little girls. So, if everyone shows that we've invited it'll be you and five little boys, but I don't know if everyone is coming or not. I hope they are bc I really want you to have fun.
I'm still pondering another baby. I really want one, but I'm so afraid of the thought as well. I want you to have someone. A sibling, a brother or sister, to grow up with, to love, to have for the rest of your lives bc while I want to live forever, I realize that it's not humanly possible to do so. I'm also worried about my age. I'm almost 35, so if we do have another baby, by the time it's born I'll be 36. That's just scary as well.
Oh, baby, I just don't know.
You know what I do know? I know I love you. I know I'm proud of you every day and I'm amazed at you as you grow and learn and become a little woman. You are my everything and I thank god for you.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

something awful happened this past friday (12/14/12). it was terrible and tragic and horrible, and it made me hug you a little closer, and made me question what kind of world i'm raising you in, and it's made me cry a lot. when you're older, you might hear about it in history class (newtown, CT, sandy hook elementary school), but i'm not telling you about it now. you're too young. you shouldn't have to understand that children can die. and that parents can be left without their babies. that they can have an entire attic full of gifts for a baby that isn't alive to enjoy them anymore. this didn't even affect me. we're in the south, i know NO ONE in connecticut, but i cry about it. a lot. i think about it. a lot. i just hugged you and started to cry b/c you're alive, and you're ok, and i would die without you. it seems completely irrational to cry about a school shooting that doesn't affect me or the ones i love - but i am. i just hate that this happens. i don't understand what kind of world we're in anymore. when i was a kid, i could play outside and was able to run free around my apartment complex. nowadays there's no way in HECK i'd let you run free. god only knows who would try to hurt you. when i was a kid, i could go to school and be safe. the worst that would happen would be maybe i'd fall and skin my leg. but now... now even first graders can be shot to death in their classroom. i mean, how is that possible? what is this world that we're in? what kind of people.....
i do have hope tho.
i know that there are good people in the world.
i'm good, your daddy's good, you're wonderful - there are billions of good people out there. it's just the few misguided, lost, tortured souls that bring pain on the rest of us - it just seems like there's more of them lately. and it makes me worry for you, for me, for any siblings you may/may not have... for the future.
i know that this will pass. i'll be fine in a few days. the people up there, that actually experienced it will never be over it. they may push it to the back of their minds, but they'll never be "over" it. 
i just thank god that i still have you, that you are healthy, that you are safe.